How?

Trying to cover up over all pain
Hiding in denial over truth
Pushing away the past without accepting it
Running, trying to escape
But there's no chances
No way of breathing you in and out
Without releasing what some call love,
Without releasing you
You ran back into my life as easily as you went out..
How do I make sense of this; of you
Do I let you in or do I push you out
Tell you what you want to hear or the truth
Fight with myself over what's right and what's wrong
Maybe not everythings not forbidden
I can't touch or hold you close
But is that reason enough-
To keep fighting or to give in
Do I risk everything to pull you in
Or do I throw you away as if I don't care
Truth is, I don't even know
But someday my heart might take you in,
But not today, not tomorrow or
Maybe sometime soon, maybe never
Or maybe I've always been..