Never Releasing

Million miles apart
Thoughts weigh heavy upon the heart
Irregular rhythm to note the distance
There's only one existence
Never changing and going forward; always a step behind
Reaching to where we will be; "Once upon a time(d)"
Struggling to resist to cease
Every thought of you, my heart rate increase
Fingers; never touching
However, you, in my fingers tightly clutching
Never releasing-
Afraid to continue ceasing
You're mine and I, yours
Secret Keepers in its' entirety.

Winter Wonderland

Snow on the ground,she picks up her dress
Corsage on her wrist;
Flowers in the curliness of her hair
Natasha sways in each step;
Her hand in mine
A perfect match
Snowflakes hang in the air
Music flow as we spin round and round
Her dress turquoise as her birthstone
Beautiful revenge;
Against Phillip and his new buck-teethed girl
Her smile so big, it's contagious
Her task is complete;
All I want to do is spin her the night away.


*Side note: A while ago, Brad asked me to do a poem with the name of Natasha and Phillip and their relationship conflict; this is what I came up with. Me being the third point of view of a guy who just wanted to make her happy. (This is what I hope is the way most guys think toward women!) But anyways, I thought it was amazing and decided to add it here.

Secret

Luscious lips
Bleeding crimson
Vengeful kisses stolen
Lips sought the nape of her neck
Sweet perspiration salty upon the tongue
Moans escape her throat
Proving her loss of self-control
Silent tears roll down her cheeks
Hand-in-hand,
Bound of secrets not meant to keep-
Always left wanting,
Needing more
But the secret has her bound-
As every lips has a secret kiss.

*Side note: This is just a random poem I got after reading the "city of Bones" series. The love Jace and Clary have for each other was really empowering to read about. If you haven't read it- GO! Get the book, it's seriously amazing to read.

Petals in the wind

Two roses of love-
With thorns of flaws

One of blood red-
Red for passionate

One of white-
White for purity

Two intertwining-
Interlocking a bond of trust

Two differences-
Together form strength

One petal from each-
Both a single promise

You & me.

One

One more hour-
I'm almost out
One more day-
It's creeping up fast
One more week-
Just another memory
One more month-
What's another?
One more year-
How much longer?
One more decade-
No chance of turning back the clock
Just one more eternity-
It's all over.


*Side note: I was at work and was thinking A LOT. At first it started out about work, but in the end it became about life. Work is my life I suppose...

Battles Within

I'm not as innocent as I look
People seem to think I'm readable as a book;
As if they know what I'm thinking.

If I'm sad, it's never for the reason they think they know;
Angry but I keep it all inside.

I know the outcome of my depression;
I'm the only one the blame.

Am I as fragile as I seem?
I'm not that easy to break;
If only they knew what I held every day.

A battle introverted and extroverted;
I'm fighting both sides that I'm losing.

I come with shards of glass-
No one will ever be able to piece them together again;
They know what I want them to know.

Incapable of knocking walls down-
I've barricaded myself;
If I'm screaming- they'll never know.

They'll never know who I am completely;
Because I'll never be able to save myself.


*Side note: This was back when I first finally got my anti-depressants. I had really, really needed them and still do. They help- A LOT but it's still hard. Every one still tend to think I'm breakable. I'm a lot stronger and getting there every day. The first step is admitting you have a problem with something and it's not something that's easily fixable. I have a lot of issues with myself and with my past. Deafness is still currently one but one I wish to resolve happily and peacefully because I really do need to come to terms with it and just accept that it's a part of me which is very difficult to do because I'm still angry about it. I do wish I could hear a lot more, but I have benefited a bit from being deaf. I know sign language, I can read lips, I know how to talk and I can hear quite a bit with the assistance of my Cochlear Implant which is a lot more than a lot of deaf people can say. It's sad to know they've never heard music but it's not like they can't communicate. Communicating with your hands is beautiful. I love signing, I miss it but I'm really shy to do it publicly without another deaf person to confer with. I do tend to talk out loud as I sign, but it's easier for me when it's with another deaf person because they NEED me to sign.

Mirrored

I'm afraid;
I'm confused.

Terrified of being asked, "Who are you?"
Answering my name with a question;
Krissy?

Dig a little deeper,
What's in my closet?
Am I real or a mirrored image of who I think I am?
Is my love as strong as I feel?
Or what about the one before it;
And before that?

Am I too intense, too forward?
Wanting to lead two different lives;
Every day it's this one, the next it's something else
Do I jump head first?
What if it wasn't any of it?
Do I intentionally hurt people unknowingly?
Did I do it out of love or out of spite?
Questions, endless questions
How do I live as who I am when I don't know?
But I do know;
I'm just scared.


*Side note:
I found this a while ago from a few years back. Really hit hard when I read it, knowing how I felt then and now I feel now. I'm not scared at all anymore, I do mostly know who I am BUT I'm still working on the rough draft of me.

Every time

Every smile you make,
is a smile that I dream of
Every tear you shed,
is a tear I wish to wipe
Every laugh you make,
is a laugh I want to laugh with you
Every hurt you ever felt,
is the sound of my hear breaking
Every dream you have,
is a dream I want to fulfill
Every kiss you give,
is a kiss I never want to end
Every touch you make,
is a touch I love to feel
Every time you say "I love you",
is the moment my love grows stronger
I promise to love you forever.

Crimson Tears

The days never seem to change,
Always bleak
Each day that began anew-
Always left deeper scars
Craving more, unable to let go
The blade seemly glued to my hand
These scars all over my body,
My silent screams of crimson
Never heard, never understood
Continuously drowning-
Extremity of highs and lows
I never seem to change
These crimson tears are meant to be stained

Vicious Circle

Tick-tock, tick-tock
Every second, every minute
My thoughts- always with you
Tick-tock, tick-tock
How much longer?
Loosening the grip
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Every minute, every hour
Constant worry- about you
How do I hold on?
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Every hour, every second
Never ending, continuous
Any escape, tell me now
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Every second, every minute
An endless countdown
Tick-tock, tick-tock
Every minute, every hour
I'm a ticking time bomb