How does it feel? (in the past)

How does it feel?
To know I fell in love with you.
To watch me fight with all I have,
To struggle without air because-
without you, I am lifeless.
How does it feel?
To not feel the same way,
Knowing you're leading me on,
But you keep on breaking me,
Little by little.
How does it feel?
To break someone's heart,
To play with others,
Watch me break down because
I realize I'm lost without you.
How does it feel?
To be someone's everything,
To have her be all yours when she doesn't have you.
How does it all feel?
To be someone's world,
And to destroy her.
Tell me!
How the fuck does it feel?

Kate

Long, curly red hair,
Beautiful blue eyes,
Freckles all over her face,
Long eyelashes,
Soft ivory smooth skin,
Perfectly shaped lips,
Slightly crooked smile,
Average height and weight,
Taller than me,
Perfect size to cuddle and-
Wrap my arms around,
The love of my life.

The First Kiss

Pressed up against a wall,
Unexpected.
Nervous; butterflies fluttering about.
Hot and exciting,
Passionate.
Make it last,
Bursts of happiness.
Bleeding lips, nervous laughs,
Hand-in-hand,
Love is found.

Her eyes

Her eyes,
They search for answers-
Wondering just how much I love her.
I look away each time she watches me,
Because I can't hold back the tears.
I love her with everything I have,
Her eyes just make me fall deeper in love,
Making it harder to protect my heart-
When I'm so afraid she's about to break it.
I'd do anything- absolutely anything.
I love her.

It's not that simple

It's not that simple,
I'd tell you everything that I could.
I'd tell you how I felt.
But it's not that simple,
I'd keep you in my arms,
I'd keep holding on forever.
But it's not that simple,
I'd give anything to keep that smile on your face,
I'd give to be with you whenever.
But it's not that simple,
I'd try to give you the world,
I'd try to give you your dreams.
But it's not that simple,
I'd love you forever,
I'd stay if I could.
But baby, it's not that simple,
I'd do anything for you,
If I could make it all fall in place, I would.
If only it was simple again,
I'd make us last forever.

What is Love?

Love.
What is love? you may ask,
Love is where you love a person with everything you have,
Even with all of their flaws.
Love is when you'd give up your own life for that person.
Love is pushing yourself through agony in order for her to smile.
Even when you are failing, you still give your all.
Love is when you know you'd die without her-
you'd walk away if it meant it was better for her.
Love is doing what's best for her, not you.
It's being there when she needs you-
Just to listen; or just to lie beside her.
Be her best friend when you can't be her lover.
Love is never easy, but you stick it out.
Be her strength when she breaks down,
Be there for her, she is your everything-
Even if you're not her everything.
Love her, treat her the best way you can.
Love is just being her's when she isn't yours.

Billy Boy Blue

The world is incomplete without you-
Without your big bright grin that everyone has come to know and love.
Those blue eyes I had once fallen in love over,
Will never look back my way.
Tears shed,
But I know you'd tell us all to smile.
To live life to the fullest, the only way we know how.
But what is there without your laughter,
Without your passion for the game?
You've bled blue.
I remember the last I saw your gorgeous face alive,
I turned away because tears streamed down my face,
Wondering if I'd ever have my chance with you.
When I'd see you again.
The last time I saw your face,
You didn't look like you-
You weren't my sweet crush.
I laughed knowing you'd be cursing the fact they shaved your goatee off.
Even though you didn't look like yourself, you still looked beautiful.
I miss those blue eyes of yours,
All the days where you'd have everyone laughing,
and getting into trouble for being the little shit you are.
You helped me grow in ways you'd never know.
I'm letting go,
I miss you and your boyish grin.
And those gorgeous blue eyes, I'd die to see another day.
Time doesn't truly heal,
The pain still hurt as strong as ever,
but it comes in different waves.
I miss you, I love you-
I always have.

The Park

She sits on a bench all alone,
Tears begin to fall,
Her reddish curls fall out of place.
She looks up to the sky and sighs,
As the snow begin to fall.
A hand touches her left shoulder-
She tenses up, and looks behind.
A smile spread across her face,
"I knew you would come."

Shielding one's heart.

I'm afraid to be alone with you,
Afraid that once I look into your eyes-
All the pieces in my heart that had begun to heal,
Instantaneously shatters.
The truth hurts; love hurts.
Being with you is like escaping reality-
A drug.
Without you, every dark thought creeps in.
I love being with you,
I'm just afraid to have more memories to drown myself in.
I don't regret being with you,
I'm just trying to shield whatever is left of my heart.
But honestly, I rather have many unrepairable pieces
as long as I'm with you.

Fallen

In her eyes, I see dreams.
The dreams she has for herself-
and me included.
Sparkles in her eyes as I laugh at her silly faces,
Gentle kisses turn into hard pressed kisses.
The sound of her laughter-
Reels me further in love.
All the I love you's burn inside,
I cry out for her name,
as I wake, tears streaming down my face.
Memories of her tortures my mind,
But heals my heart.
There's a difference in a heart being smashed into pieces,
or torn into two.
A difference in being glued together or healed.
Every kiss, every hug,
puts me back together again.
But every second away in reality,
tears it apart even stronger than the first.
Today, I saw this look in her eyes-
My heart bleeds for more.
My arms ache for hers'.
I am hers', I have fallen.
Fallen into a deep, true, broken love.

Amber

Pink haired, Blued eyed girl.
Drunken nights full of laughter,
Dancing on a pole with guys that have a butterfly face,
Shots after shots,
Visions become blurred,
Stealing other people's drinks,
The camera becomes your best friend-
Then the floor seems like the perfect place to go to sleep,
Luckily, friends are there to pull you up.
Friends tell you to stop drinking,
But your best friends tell you to drink up!
Back to the pole, and the music's blaring,
It's the time of your life.

A little game of Peekaboo

Little eyes, Little mouths,
Little giggles, Little smiles,
1,2,3! Here I come!
Little noses peeking around the corner,
Hushed bursts of laughter,
Where is the baby?
Stifled little smirks,
Dancing little eyes,
Shouts out from behind,
HERE I AM!

Was that the last of them all?

I'm lying here wide awake,
Contemplating on what previously happened,
I wonder if you regretted that kiss.
Although you say you have no regrets,
It still makes me wonder-
Was that the last of them all?
If I could have held you forever,
It still wouldn't have been long enough.
I would have stood there until my legs gave out,
as long as I hear your laughter.
See your eyes dance while they search my face,
Every thought, every second that passed by,
Everything was all right with our worlds again.
I could have stayed in that moment forever,
I'd gladly give up anything as long as we were okay.
But I still wonder-
was that the last of them all?
My fingers touch my lips each time I think,
Tears shed from the very thought.
I'd give anything to have this moment with you again.
To live, to love-
To be yours;
Forever.

Saving you.

I'd save you if I could,
I'd save us.
But right now I think I have to save myself first-
I gave you my whole world,
and I lost myself along the way.
I can see the feelings in your eyes,
The worry of how badly hurt you've made me.
But thoughts aside, how about how happy you've made me?
You are my motivation for tomorrow,
But before I can save you,
I have to find the part of me that has gone astray.
I want to save you, to save us.
But I need to save me.

Amber's amazing Giraffe poem that made me LOLed

he sits alone
in his green world
looking up into the sky
he never is in need to cry
the birds pass by
as time goes by
and the water melon grows
and is eaten by the skanks and hoes
that work at the zoo and take care of the giraffe

Mr. Bonkers (A happy poem that Amber made me do lol)

I have a giraffe named Mr.Bonkers,
He is special,
He is my best friend.
Mr. Bonkers sits and wait all day for me,
He never goes away unless I tell him to.
When I am sad, I beckon for him to come.
He is there.
I love his soft nuzzle,
and the fluff on top his horns,
He is my best friend.
(this is my attempt at a happy poem... shit for brains lol)

Battle against One's Self

On the edge of insanity-
Struggling to keep sense of self;
Drowning in vanity,
Pathways to finding of one's self,
Wandering amongst elitist societies;
Fighting self conceit,
Full of lies and deceit,
Warring the permanent state of anxiety-
Running from defeat against the world,
and against myself.

Dreamless

I'm terrified to close my eyes,
To listen to my deathly fears
Afraid that it will all come true.
I miss the days where reality overtook my dreams.
Those days where reality was even better.
Perhaps dreams are more than just restoring the body.
To decipher feelings and wants,
To solve problems.
But some can be conflicting,
Murderous to the soul.
To watch these fears come alive-
is scary but to watch them come alive in reality is even scarier.
The nights, I beg to be dreamless.
It makes some of the days bearable,
To even get out of bed.
Reality is hard as it is,
I don't want to see it my dreams,
It's hard enough to see it while I'm awake.
Reliving it night after night-
tears me apart,
Each day, the strength to go on weakens,
At night, I beg to be dreamless.
So I don't have to relive my fears,
So I don't have to awake to pure hell.
To be able to let my guard down; to let others in,
And so, at night I beg to be dreamless.

She has all of me

She has all of me,
There's no shield barring her.
The walls were once up but she had torn them down.
There was a time where I was afraid to let her know all of me,
To trust with every fiber of my being.
I was afraid to give her my all,
Afraid once she knew me, she would walk away.
Now my guard is down,
Unable to build them back up.
This is uncharted territory,
No one has ever gone this far into my heart before
I'm completely vulnerable around her,
She's like a drug that I cannot fathom
I can't begin to give up,
For she has all of me.

Without you, who am I to be?

I'd rather hide it all,
Shed and toss all thoughts aside
Feelings deep inside your eyes
was the final drawl,
Sights of you torn up
is unbearable
Now if only all this was repairable,
I would have walked away
But being without you is unthinkable,
Even though its unstable
We would be full of dismay-
If we were to be apart
Without you, who am I to be?
Who you would be and would it be possible to be free?
You are what makes my heart start,
The ability to keep on breathing,
Thoughts of you is the only thing that is soothing,
Without you, I don't know how to be

The truth

I never said you didn't love me,
You may not love me completely,
Maybe it's not enough to you because you feel that you love me less,
but for me.. it doesn't matter
I love everything about you,
I never have to question twice about that.
You're blind when you say you're not hot,
Why do you think you've got all the girls falling after you?
You may think you're not so great,
maybe that's what's wrong with me and you-
We don't see all the flaws,
But here's the thing,
You stated all the facts that you love about me,
I've done a lot of things that I never thought I could do,
There's a lot of first's with you
And a lot of last's.
I love how you joke,
I love how you're you no matter what.
I hate it when you cry, because I know somethings incredibly wrong when you do,
I hate it when you try and hide certain thoughts because you're afraid,
I wish I could erase every bad thing away,
but they make us who we are.
You say I don't know a lot of things about you
But I love what I do know,
I love how you claim to hate chick flicks,
but secretly I think you love them and all the drama- you do love Grey's .
I do love how we are when we're together,
I love it when that smirk creep up on your face,
I love it when you scare me.
Even though I'm torn up inside,
It's you that I'm worried about.
I don't want you hurting either.
Seven months isn't a long time,
Seventeen and nineteen is such a young age
But to me, none of that matters.
You're worth fighting for too.
Even if you think you're not good enough,
You better think twice.
You've got so many people who love you,
Just as much as I do or close to it.
You just have to know,
I'll never walk away,
Not from someone that I love.
You're worth it,
Worth the pain,
You're worth everything I've gone through.
I'd never regret it,
even if we don't make it in the end.
But right now, in this moment,
I love you, and you love me.
Maybe that's enough to get through it all,
Maybe that's all it matters.
I'll always be there,
You'll always be the first one I go to,
The one who I'd want to go to when I cry, or when I have something silly to say.
The one who's hand I want to hold on tight to when you make me watch a scary movie.
Scary movies are not my thing, I'd never watched them with anyone willingly
But I love them because they're with you.
So, no.. I'm not walking away.
I love you too.

These three words

Each time we say good bye,
I hit the backspace button after I write these three words;
I love you.
But I can't say them-
I'd say it if I could
I know you'd say it too,
These three words,
They're the easiest and hardest to say.
But we both know it's true
I love you.
The tears are always worth it when they're cause of you,
The things I'd do for you
I know you'd do for me too.
But these three words,
They used to be so easy
Now I can't hold back a tear as I erase them,
But they're true
We don't have to say it,
but we do know it's there.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
These three words,
They're I love you.

What do you want from me?

Tell me,
Is this, you say, lust?
To you, my heart is just a toy
Is this love and implied trust?
You say you don't want me,
But the next you're begging for more.
Stop screwing with me
I'm not a whore.
Tell me what you want from me
Clearly, it's more than friendship
But you're saying it's less-
You've got me down on my knees,
Swaying my hips,
Holding on, flipping up my dress
All this is just a hot sticky mess,
Don't touch me anymore
I must confess-
I cannot keep going on with this
Don't wanna guess,
You just wanna score
I'm done being obsessed.
All it was is ignorant bliss
Well go on and take a bow,
You got me where you wanted me
Done playing this game,
It's all over now...
Tough blow-
I'm done.
You brought me to shame,
So go on and take that final bow.

The broken girl

This is the journey of her disaster,
All the pain she inflicted is karma.
The good and the bad,
The pain she felt, as she watched her life disappear
Grew stronger each day as she lost a friend here and there,
She struggled as she went on, day by day.
Lessons of disappointments, failures,
It's all that she's ever been.
A conniving little bitch,
Who wanted to be the best and destroyed those who got in her way.
Her heart tells a different story,
Loss of trust and a damaged soul channeled through anger
Loss of commitment and everlasting regrets,
It's the love that she will never have.
Her world is nothing more,
Through her eyes, she feels worthless.
She thought she was perfect; ideal even
But with reality, it crashed down on her.
She realized that's the way life is,
People leave- they always do.
She wondered why she had to fight so hard,
Then she understood: it was all because of you.

One by One the Tears Fall Down

A touch of the blade and the tears roll down,
as they fall one by one they make not a sound.

Surprised as I am as they are full of depression,
The weight should increase with my daily obsession.

These crimson tears blend in with the rain,
This heavy disguise covering over all pain.

Darkest tears decorate the perfect complexion,
Only these eyes see the pain in my reflection.

So much anger held in this bodily shell,
So much suffering from living in this hell.

All of these memories, and all of these scars,
I'm the dimmest shiner amongst all these stars.

The haunted soul that floats on this land,
Reaching for someone, anyone's hand.

This shattered heart been fixed with glue,
Then broken again, and torn into two.

These scars on my body, my heart, and my soul,
This pain deep inside has taken its' toll.

And so one by one, all the tears fall down,
And these silent screams make not one sound.

Never again

I'm done waiting for you to call
It's like waiting for this broken phone to ring
I don't wanna feel anymore
I'm sick of it all, of all pain
I've had enough,
Never again.
It's time to say Good bye.

Unrequited

Don't throw me into the shadows
I don't wanna
Envy
her because she has
you.

The final Dance

The Curtain's closing,
Same old song and dance
It's all about to end,
So man up
and ask that pretty girl to dance
Dance that final dance.

Because She is mine, and I am her's

If she asks me why I love her, I’d have to say;

It’s because of the way she looks at me questionly,
Wondering if I’d always be there by her side, day by day

It’s because of how she holds me and the way she kisses me and smiles in the middle of it,
Wondering how much longer she has, trying to hold on as tight as she can

It’s because of what she says to me and how she says it,
It’s mainly because she shows me how she never wants to let go.
Hold on tighter because I never want you to let go, not of us, not of my hand

The look in her eyes every time we have to be apart leaves me breathless,
Because I never want to hurt her and because it kills me inside each time as she drives away
I hate being apart, I hate feeling that more than half of me has left with her,

It’s because of how free she knows she can be with me because I hope she knows I’ll never leave,
No matter what she does, there isn’t enough to make me stop loving her; I’d only grip on harder

I wish I can promise that I’ll never leave her, because some day one of us will have to part, but
I hope that day doesn’t come for a very, very long time because I can’t bear to lose her yet
I live because of her, without her I don't want to keep going because it feels wrong

It’s because of that smile she gives me, that tears my heart apart and put it back together again,
How I’d love to keep that smile on her face and to erase all the pain she’s been put through

I wish I could hold her hand through everything and not have to let go,
I wait for the day until I never have to let her go, until I get to hold her in my arms as she slept

It’s especially because of the way she laughs at me and jokes around,
Because without that, I wouldn’t know just how much she loves me
And there isn’t a day where I don’t wonder if that’ll ever stop, I need her to keep going

The day she stops laughing, the day she stops joking around,
The day she stops giving me her half-crooked smile along with the look in her eyes...
Is the day I die, but not the day my love for her dies because that day is a day that will never come.

It’s because I love her that makes me stay,
It’s because she loves me more that makes me never want to go away
Everything she does, everything she says, stays with me no matter what,
Because she is mine, and I am hers’

You be the Prince and I'll be the Princess

Every night I lie awake in bed,
I wonder if you ever think of what could have been
Or was it so bad that it was all you dread.
Do you ever think about us or is that such a sin

Out of all the tears in the past I've shed,
Sometimes I wonder if you ever cared.
I wish the pain of you would end
but as much as I am full of despair,
forget you not, I never will
memories of you, I'll never kill

There are hours of the night where I shall call
screaming out in pain, for your very touch,
I've always given you my all
Thoughts of you, straight to my heart I'll always clutch
There's no such thing as nonsense,
only the intensity of love can prevail.
I'd do anything for you at any expense,
of no avail.

She's my one, the love of my life.
For her, I'd move the world and give her a star,
I dream of the day she becomes my wife
You may find it so hurtful and so bizarre
But someday you'll understand,
She's the one I can't live without.
None of this was ever planned,
But to her, all my love I shall devout.

Memories of us I'll always hold near and dear,
But I've shed the final tear
I can finally breathe, thoughts of you shall soon disappear

Hourglass

Watch minutes turn into hours,
and hours into days then into weeks.
Time goes by wasted
Every last breath taken
was merely a mistake upon my part.
Every thought, every word spoken
meant more than what was said.
Never fully there- always from a distant
Trying to reach but nothing is there.
Deep into my essence-
happiness shows, but darkness grows
Nothing to hold onto; not even your hand
Drowning in the flames of misery,
Burning in the pool of your being
Hiding every thought, every mistake
Trying to understand; just why...
Shuddering chests, wheezing breaths
Behind every smile is a bleeding tear
Cracked hearts never mend,
Broken is what I'll always be

The Final Good bye

One by one, each tear roll down
as each second goes by,
the clock ticks down to the final good bye.
I realize I’ve lost my best friend.
The one person I tell my deepest secrets to,
And all my heart aches,
has accidently fallen for me.
One who has already been torn apart and broken again
I fell down and you were there to pick me up.
Saying things will get better in time.
Now, you’ve gone away.
My heart reels for those words
I understand that it was for the best,
But it hurts more than words can say.
Tell me, we will be ok.
Hold on tight and don’t ever let go.
Even though I know you will let go-
you already have.
Out of every hurt I’ve been through and still..
I hurt myself more than you ever could.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t hurt you.
I lost my best friend,
all because I couldn’t choose.
The only one who understood me the most
Is unable to reach out.
and it’s tearing me up inside
I can’t lose you... not now, not yet.
I need you. But I have to let go-
You need me to.
I’m letting go, unable to breathe
Unable to think, unable to move.
Except I know all this is for the best-
For you.
This isn’t what we want
But just so you know,
I’m not fully letting go.
I can’t, No... I won’t
I’ll let us go away for a little while
Just long enough so we will be okay-
So you will be okay.
But promise me this, you’ll never forget
As soon as you’re ready,
Please come back.
I’m already in pieces.
But the main thing is
You can’t hurt anymore.
So this is my final good bye.

Why Can't she be me?

If I could, I'd put us on rerun-
at least for tonight.
Just carry on..
I fake a smile as a tear run down my face
Thoughts of you not being mine-
secretly kills me deep inside, eventually will take its toll.
Why can't she be me?
I'd waste forever
as long as it meant I'd get to see that smile
But I can't take this much longer,
I thought we were stronger
If you're thinking we're gonna be alright,
I'll tell you that you're wrong.
Don't have to pretend,
We both know it's been over.
You're not in love anymore,
Why can't she be me?
I know you know that this is the truth,
I'm not enough anymore.
Not since she walked in.
I'm not the one you really want,
not the one you dream and cry for.
You don't have to pretend,
Don't have to call
This is the end.
You're not sorry cause if you were-
I'd be the one you're crying for, not because what we had is over.
She's the tears you wish you could erase,
not mine.
Why can't she be me?
Just put us on rerun because I don't want this to end.