Vanished

I step forward;
I tumble
You stand an arm's length away
Coldest look I've never seen
I brush it off and smile
Reaching out for your hand
You step backward;
You vanish
I recoil
I could hide forever
Disappear like you did
I turn-
Walk away as if you were nothing
Branches scratch my arms
I don't give a shit
I'd take it all
Just to see your face one more time-
I wanna vanish...

No one but Me

"No one will love you better than yourself"-
Facing all truths and all my fears
When something gets too real,
I run.
Somewhere along the line,
I began to believe a lie I told myself
"You can do this, you deserve it like everyone else"
My cold blue eyes stare back,
Face wet with stained tears of the night
I've become someone I said I'd never be
I'm weak, I'm dependent, I'm nothing...
I write- only cause its what I do
I smile- only because you need to see it
Everything I've ever felt,
Pushed down somewhere inside
I've grown to let things slide,
But I've kept them held
I try so hard not to care,
But I try to show that I do
This person I've grown to know,
So confused and full of hurt
Incapable of letting it go.
I get jealous, I pretend things are okay
I never get mad, I get sad
The "I love you's" are the only words I'd never lie about
I'm tired of being sad,
Tired of hurting everyone and myself included
How do I make everyone happy,
How do I choose...
Itd be easier if I decided to hide under the covers tonight,
But I'll put a smile on my face
Walk out with my head held high,
Ignoring my thoughts that trail behind
I'll become oblivious to the world,
Hiding behind my words, behind what I write
I don't love myself...

My Breaths

I cant think, I cant breathe
The weight keeps weighing me down
Most things are better untold,
I'm afraid you're going to leave

I fight, I try but in my own way
I don't understand...
Too ,much to be kept
I'm afraid I'll break

I'm losing every battle I've fought
I fight being attached
It never works...
I can't think, I can't breathe

Constant rage and hurt-
My disguise is unable to keep
I'm afraid I'll lose myself
Lead myself down this road again

I let the truth out
Only to get shut down
I tried to be everything
I tried to be me

Nothing works
I'm falling apart- one by one
All I do is hurt
I can't think, I can't breathe

If this isn't the truth
tell me why
Tell me I don't hurt
Make me not hate myself

I can't think, I can't breathe
I keep hurting so bad
The weight weighing me down...
But I love you

Opposites attract

I'm slipping
Fighting to breathe in your world
Every where I step, I'm tripping
With a hard grip on reality; my fingers curled

The bar you've set for me, too high to reach
My fingers stretched, straining off my toes
I find myself tied to a leash
Within everything, my feelings are all exposed

I wish everything was simple
Falling in love is easy
Trust is what makes me falter
Love isn't ever enough

I haven't found my path,
You ask what the hell happened to me
How I've grown to be so cold
I'll tell you to look into the mirror

When you're around,
I can hardly breathe
I'm bound to break down
I fall onto my knees

Heart racing, palms scratched
Gasping for air, every binding broken
I can barely breathe
I find myself becoming more and more attached
The words begin to go unspoken
I'm coming undone...

You've been my light
I've been your darkness
You've been the sun
I've been the shadow

Opposites attract,
Fire versus ice
Hot versus cold
Light versus dark
Love versus lust
You versus me

I've found myself falling in love,
You're my light as I am your darkness-
Together, we are bound.