No one but Me

"No one will love you better than yourself"-
Facing all truths and all my fears
When something gets too real,
I run.
Somewhere along the line,
I began to believe a lie I told myself
"You can do this, you deserve it like everyone else"
My cold blue eyes stare back,
Face wet with stained tears of the night
I've become someone I said I'd never be
I'm weak, I'm dependent, I'm nothing...
I write- only cause its what I do
I smile- only because you need to see it
Everything I've ever felt,
Pushed down somewhere inside
I've grown to let things slide,
But I've kept them held
I try so hard not to care,
But I try to show that I do
This person I've grown to know,
So confused and full of hurt
Incapable of letting it go.
I get jealous, I pretend things are okay
I never get mad, I get sad
The "I love you's" are the only words I'd never lie about
I'm tired of being sad,
Tired of hurting everyone and myself included
How do I make everyone happy,
How do I choose...
Itd be easier if I decided to hide under the covers tonight,
But I'll put a smile on my face
Walk out with my head held high,
Ignoring my thoughts that trail behind
I'll become oblivious to the world,
Hiding behind my words, behind what I write
I don't love myself...