The Shaking

Knees wrapped up close
Rocking back and forth
This is the path I chose
Screaming and crying
Constant reminders of what's there
I scream that I'm trying
I try to tell you that I care
I'm done with all this denying
You can't leave- don't you dare
Please stay before
I fight to breathe; hold on a little while longer
If we don't, I'll break a little more
My body shakes vigorously as my heart pulls
My breathing shortens
I've never seen someone so beautiful
With you, my world has brighten
I push out the worst
I hang on to what I love
I fall in headfirst
She's what brings me all out of the above
I need her,
I need you.

How do I tell?

Pen and paper in hand
Tell me something I don't know-
How do I say something so simple,
Yet so complicated?
I wanna say so much to you
How do you tell someone you're falling in love?
I never meant for it to happen,
Came right outta left field...
I'm drawing a blank,
You leave an empty feeling
I'm dangerously close to being damaged
Everytime I think of your face,
I feel so much pain and love...
When we talk, I get the biggest smile on my face,
I feel like I'm on cloud nine
I'm dangerously stepping on the edge
I'm drawing a blank-
I'm falling for you...
(I'm in love with you)

A Moment that was a Lifetime

I stood outside, leaning against the wall
The wind harsh against my skin
He walked past.
Momentarily- I gasped-
Weeks of heartache dug at me
Pulled me back under the sea of despair
He didn't even glance my way.
Didn't notice; I'm invisible
I closed my eyes; ready to cry
But the tears never came.
The moment passed
I wanted it (love)
I needed it (him)
"It won't ever happen again" I mouthed
How do you open yourself to a possibility that doesn't exist?
Does he care? I don't think so.
His eyes once shown that he cared
His smiles melted my heart- I always went weak
I always went more than half way
But... He never came.
He could try to care
But he'll run-they always do
My fingers tingled-
Empty spaces: of which should be filled with his
The physical pains of heartbreak is so real,
I could hardly breathe.
I missed him- I MISS him...
From his smiles to his eyes and the way he smelled,
His kisses took me so deeply-
That when they ended, I was ripped from my blissed out world.
Why not me? Why not us?
I looked up,
There he stood,
He smiled.

One foot in front of the other

So confused, so lost
Where's my yellow brick road?
The path that's not yet taken has left its treacherous mark-
Beckoning me to stamp its' greens
Take risks, what do you have to lose?
Throw whatever you've got,
I'll continue to walk; one foot in front of the other- repeat
You can tear me down,
But I'll make my way back
Where's my city of color?
Paint the town with my tears
I've got myself- tell me it'll be okay
I'll continue to fight even when things look so blight
One foot in front of the other,
I'll make my way down the yellow brick road
Be my wicked witch of the west,
You'll never get the best
Be my courageous lion,
You'll get the best of the best
Be my tin man,
You'll get my love
Be my scarecrow,
You'll get my intellect
Nevertheless, I'll get myself
One foot in front of the other,
I'll find my way down the yellow brick road,
With or without you-
I'll find myself,
But I really wish-
That you'll be the one at the end of the road,
One foot in front of the other,
Follow the yellow brick road of the path not yet taken.

Dont wanna miss you

I don't wanna miss you,
I just wanna hate you.
With every breath,
I breathe you out
I try to reach out,
But instead I fall
I just wanna stay put,
I'm tired of running away
I don't wanna miss you,
I just wanna hate you
What can I say,
I just wanna hate you
You're not worth the tears,
I just wanna hate you...

"Never again, will he ever"

You make me so mad that I want to cry
You look at me with no emotions left in your eyes
I'd rather sit here and listen to all the lies
Than to say the final goodbye
I reach out, no one's there
I scream -
And nobody cares
Please make all this a dream...
I can't make myself wake
I snap into two and I bleed out
I'm just another mistake -
A mistake you once thought about
I try to put myself together
One by one, the sleeves roll down
I'll tell myself, "never again, will he ever"
I take the final leap; hoping to drown
Only this time, it's for good
I'll whisper, "Never again, will he ever" over and over -
My last words.

Half-way

So awake, so alone
I walk this broken road
Not once but twice before
Everything's a distant memory-
Your kisses, the touch of your hand
We were once so alive
What made it all go so wrong
Love pulls at every turn
I keep walking away
Only because you never meet me half-way
I still don't understand
Why you even left in the first place
You never really said goodbye
You're so afraid to even come so close
To smile or to fall in love
The tension between us never fades
To slip back would be so amazing
But can I trust you
Would I fall so hard
And end up so broken
I'm so scared, so scared of you, of us
Have we ever really been in love,
Is there such thing as forever
People fall in and out so easily
How do I know this is a chance worth fighting for,
Is this a risk I should take
It wouldn't take so much for me to break
So confused and so much pain
I can only dare to dream-
What if you wanted me too..
Meet me half-way...

Done

How can someone like you not care
Break me if you dare
But ill tell you now,
I'm not fighting,
I give up and I'm done
You looked straight at me,
How can you show no emotion
The smiles on your face- a distant memory
You wash over me as if you were the ocean,
Pulling me under without even realizing
I'm drowning without your arms to save me
But you don't really care,
Truth is.. Neither do I,
I rather drown than face all the lies.

Feel Something

One look is all it takes
One second is all it makes
The smile on your face causes me to get lost
Don't know whether to smile back or let out the pain you've given me
I keep myself busy just so ill forget
For a moment, ill remember
It tears me up inside just to know
That you once cared
What do I do?
Do I wait for you to say sorry,
Or do I begin the hate?
I dread seeing you
But I just want to pull you close,
Just one more time
All I want is for you to say everything will be okay,
For you to grab my hand
Tear me apart,
You already have started the process
What's one more word, one more kiss?
Just let me inside, let me go
Love me, hate me
Anything-
Just feel me...

Indefinitely Bounded

We're tied together,
Bounded by invisible ropes
Incapable of existing or of escape
The truth either tears us inside or fills us with content
Never in between; no shades of grey
I try so hard-
To draw the line of friends and love
How do I have you as both
One or the other-
Its either hate or its love
Without you, it doesn't make any sense
With you, its too much to handle
I'd try again but only to be afraid to fail,
To walk myself back into destruction-
But I already have begun if I don't
Balance with you doesn't exist
I'd be fooling myself if there was
Digging my own path to nowhere
I'm kicking up dirt,
With the past biting at my heels
It'll only take a moment-
A moment before it consumes what's left of me,
Tears fall at the thought of us,
Of the hurt we've gone through
Incontrollably, my heart breaks again
For a minute, will yours be whole?
The fights have always been ours,
There's no escape of you and me
What is and what isn't,
Revolves completely around you
I hate you but I love you
This is the way we are,
Balanced out-
With and without
Never in between, always the other
You and me,
An indefinite that's bound together.

How?

Trying to cover up over all pain
Hiding in denial over truth
Pushing away the past without accepting it
Running, trying to escape
But there's no chances
No way of breathing you in and out
Without releasing what some call love,
Without releasing you
You ran back into my life as easily as you went out..
How do I make sense of this; of you
Do I let you in or do I push you out
Tell you what you want to hear or the truth
Fight with myself over what's right and what's wrong
Maybe not everythings not forbidden
I can't touch or hold you close
But is that reason enough-
To keep fighting or to give in
Do I risk everything to pull you in
Or do I throw you away as if I don't care
Truth is, I don't even know
But someday my heart might take you in,
But not today, not tomorrow or
Maybe sometime soon, maybe never
Or maybe I've always been..

I Don't Understand

I don't understand
How can you just pretend,
Appear unfazed by the thought of me being broken,
Of me not being yours?
I want to scream!
I don't understand
Why we're where we are,
And how you look so together,
While I'm torn at the threads?
I don't understand
When we kissed you never let go,
But now its like it never happened,
Do I not exist?
I don't understand
If you didn't want me, why did you kiss me,
Why did you say all the things I wanted to hear,
Why did you leave?
I want to scream!
I don't understand!
I fell so hard for you,
I tried to be yours- I risked everything,
But you still left-why?
I don't understand
Why couldn't you tell me why,
Or why I'm so broken inside,
Or do you miss me at all?
I don't understand
How could I love you,
When I'm with someone else,
Or why am I wanting you so badly?
I want to scream..
I don't understand
Why I'm so alone without you,
Why I'm so scared to breathe,
Why you're not here with me saying everything's gonna be okay
I don't understand
Why you're not mine..
When I'm so yours.

Incomplete

You told me I made you complete
That you never want to let go of what feels so right
But now everything feels so wrong-
You've left me feeling incomplete
You said you'd never leave,
But I'm standing all alone
Wondering if there was any truth to your words
All these kisses, were they just pretend
I risked so much for you,
I'd have thrown everything I had away just for you
You were so sweet,
Swept me off my feet with those kisses
You were everything I ever imagined,
I had you for a moment..
There's nothing I wouldn't give to go back and be completely yours
What did I do wrong to make you leave
Tell me why, ill never be okay
Ill be left incomplete until I've got you back
Just tell me why, why did you leave...

Take it back

I just want to go back
Say you didn't mean it
That it was all her
Tell me all the things I want to hear,
But not that, not goodbye
I've exhausted every reason, every why
I've given us a complete try
Tell me it was a mistake,
Take hold and don't let me go
Stop the tears from falling down
Pick up the pieces you've broke
Do anything but don't say goodbye
I carelessly thought I was good enough
That you had actually wanted me
It was too good to be true,
I'm just not meant to have you
But I've fallen so hard,
Tripped on the way down and you've picked me up
Only to trip me back down again
But why me, why us
Take back the goodbye,
Please don't let it be true..
Your silence terrifies me,
I'm weak in the knees for you.

I Cant

I still can't believe it
Your words made the first cut
But the emptiness made it deeper
I don't understand!
Not after the things you've said
Not after the way you'd pull me close
The mirrored image of the perfect kiss,
Now ruined because I stand alone
I want to run, I want to cry
I want to forget it never happened
That you're still mine,
It doesn't make sense..
How can you let go?
How can I let go?
I can't...

Biggest Cut

You've made the biggest cut
I've gotta bleed you out
As you breathe me in and out
Searing pain incomparable to yours
Your face keeps seething into my blood; toxic
Incapable of breathing,
Fighting against you, against myself
This doesn't take away the hurt
It doesn't bring you back
Its almost as if this is just a dream
All these scars on my body,
This one hurts the most; its not even visable
My hand reaches out, wanting nothing but you
Ill be left dangling, dying inside
I'm just a flame that's burned out
Cold and breathtaking as you are;
You're not worth my time
But I'm so taken up inside,
Hoping you'd fall just as hard
Now I just wanna make you pain,
Pain the way you make me feel
I can't wait to hate you

Nothing but a Puppet

I can't believe you
That you're just a lie..
Eating away at the void you can call what was once my heart-
I hate this, I fucking hate you
I fell so hard for you,
You couldn't even tell me the truth
But you could kiss me and pretend
Play me as a perfectly orchestrated puppet-
That's what I was,
Nothing more than a toy you picked up to break
You left me- as easily as you could
Play no games, its an obvious goodbye
I'm left with these empty words, empty promises
My hollowed heart continues to beat without a single miss
Ill have to pick up the pieces and pretend you never exist
Wipe away the tears and paint a smile,
Make you see that you're making a big mistake
But really I just want to disappear
This hurts more than it should,
You've already stabbed so go ahead, twist the knife
I don't want you anymore.

Shots

Just another heart-
I'm just some girl to you
Another heart to break,
With nothing left to take
You're broken but so am I
Were nothing but a pair of lies
I fight until there's nothing left
Just a flame that's been blown out
I breathe and you breathe out
I cry til I'm unable to make a sound
You go on as if nothing exists
I run out of words, I bleed out
You're burning and so am I
But I'm fading in and out
As you're straying from the truth
There is no you and I
No more plays, no more smiles
No more shots in this game we call life
You're used up and I'm bleeding out
You're cold but I might as well be dead
How could you leave as easily as you did,
Without a word, without a care
I'm meant to walk this world alone,
You're meant to break many hearts-
As mine is just another heart to break
Now you know, there's nothing left to take.
My final shot isn't for you, its always been me;
Take as many shots in life as you can,
but save the last for yourself when the world gets unbearable.
I've never been yours to take,
Just yours to break.

Heartstrings

Endless wonders
Constant tug of war
You continually pull at my strings
I'm always the one that's left-
Wanting more
You get what you want-
Nothing attached
I wish I was yours
Why does it seem that you don't care?
All these broken, empty promises-
But the way you look at me;
Shows me otherwise,
Make me yours.

Me + Love = You + Thanks

In these we lay,
In which heavens pray
For that these solemn tears continue to fall
Silently and heartbreaking-
The pain of which we feel begin to take its toll
The truths and lies that I'm continuously mistaking
Leaves me hollow like the empty promises you've been making
Comparing you to something does you no justice,
But all you seem to do is take
What more will it take for me to break
Another excitement from you means more disappointment
Your response will never change: Love you = thanks.

Secret keeper

Continuously lost in thought
A friendship that's so great is ours
My secret keeper-and-I yours
Nothing to gain but wisdom and lack of pain
Complete trust and never will we lie
Love is what our trust brought
I could go on wondering for hours
Of what our friendship could gain
I promised I wouldn't try
What if we hadn't met, what if we did meet
Would we still be like this
Nobody knows about you or me
So afraid of losing you
If you knew my one secret you could never keep
You're the one person who could never make me cry
I know every side; the geek, the jock, the prep and the sweet
Would our friendship still be as it exists
I wish I could make you see
Of just how you make me feel complete
I'm afraid the secret's out to my secret keeper;
I'm in love with you.

Intoxicated

You and me
One swift motion
Eyes locked, lips parted
Our bodies glistened
So together and so free
Completely expressionless of emotion
Reaching territory that's uncharted
Heavy sighs of sweet whispers listened
I wanna be yours and you mine
But in truth-
I'll never be enough
So I'll knock back the wine
And relive every thought
Just so you know, I love it rough
Intoxicated- by only you
I'll take you in-
One step at a time; completely whole
Whatever it'll take-
To get you in my arms
Truth always spread thin
In the end it'll leave a hole
I'll be just another mistake
Fallen by your charms
I'll never get anywhere intoxicated
Truth: I don't to be anywhere else.

Dirty little secret

And soon I'll be gone
I'll be just another memory to you
Wonder if you'll even care,care that I disappeared
Wonder if you'll even shed a tear, will it tear apart your heart?
Let it eat you up inside?
Just the way it did me when you disappeared
You were my everything, I'm your nothing
All the lies I told, just to keep me whole
To keep you a little while longer
Left me with this excessive mess of a heart
Turn back the clock, back to where you were just another person
To when I only loved one not two
Butterflies consumed my heart along with your brown eyes-
Just like the way she used to; unexpected
Somewhere along the way I fell in love with the wrong person,
Will I ever be yours and you mine?
One can only dream, but for now it's our dirty little secret.

Tough boys don't cry

When I said goodbye, you couldn't even look me in the eye
I looked back, you walked away without second thought
Sometimes I wonder, if you even cared
Now that I'm gone, are you still standing?
Sometimes I wonder, tough boy gonna cry?
When I said I love you, you brushed me off
If I stayed close, would you come around?
Would you care if I disappeared?
One look, two times shy-
Look at you: running away because this got real
Is everything you said it would be?
Tough boys don't cry, you're down on your knees
You're chasing me, I'm already gone
All the 'i-love-you's: you're the one screaming them now
Bet you wonder, did I even care?
Would I wonder if you disappeared?
You're where you should have been, but I'm where you were
Sometimes I wonder, tough boy gonna cry?
This isn't fair; it's all fair in love and war
What you want isn't what you always get
Tough boys don't cry

No more lies.

To forgive or to forget-
Hearing your name makes my blood boil
Knowing the many lies you've told
Our friendship is full of constant turmoil
There isn't anything I wouldn't doubt when it comes to him or me
I'm not mad.
But you're still a disappointment..
There's no chance of taking what was said back
All the lies may have had some truths
But this one doesn't change how you changed our friendship
There's no going back
I'd love to forget, to go back to how we were
I had accepted things just aren't gonna happen
But STOP telling me you want to, STOP planning
He's it
He's what you want although you've got your whole life ahead of you
But it's okay. I'm okay.
In time things may change,
But no more lies-
Lies cause the end of relationships
I certainly don't wanna lose you..
No more lies.

Complexity

Complexity is always the result-
Never the answer nor the solution
Constantly thinking: which bridge to burn, which to cross
Slamming one door behind; timidly opening the next
Fighting to be kind but always end up as an insult
Incapable of some form of resolution
Always trying to get a point across
But nothing ever goes the way I expect
I wish I knew where to draw the line-
You were the path I chose to take,
But now you're the picture I choose to burn
When the doors all close, I'll try the windows.

Goodbye.

Mist grazed over the waking town
As frost covered the grounds
Freshly frosted, fallen leaves scattered about
A single flower stands out- still in bloom;
Peeking out- peekaboo
One last glimpse of summer,
A kiss goodbye.

Heart secrets revealed

Such thoughts should frighten me
Your heart so close to mine
When I might run screaming
While it should enlighten me
As our bodies intertwine
Leave me sweetly dreaming

It's just that; dreaming
Lust cloud the mind
Troubles keep seeping
Heart secrets revealing
True love that's hard to find
You're the one I'm keeping

I'll follow you and make a heaven out of hell,
I promise to love you and treat you well.

The Finale.

One hit doesn't knock me down
One breakdown isn't all it takes
You need a little more than that to push me around
They're all just little broken mistakes-
You're incapable of breaking this stride I've taken upon
I may have been broken once or maybe more
I'm done being tread on
Countless lies I've heard before
You're not going to get a grip on me-
Never again
Broken by you again; I'll never be
Even with pain, I'll gain-
To be free of your hold
To see the truth and feel the hate;
Realizing you're nothing but cold
You've been a great deal of weight-
The heaviness upon my heart has been lifted
My feelings have finally been shifted.

Dream

Pressed against the rough feel of bricks
Salty air beats against my face
Creaks of footsteps a bit ahead
Blood pumps vigorously in the air
Thumping of heart beat rapidly rises
-The game began-
Prey and predator; face to face
Desire rises as cold sweat washes over
No begs or cries
Fear consumes and the sound of my laughter echoes
-She runs-
Weak games are no fun to play
The pounding of the pavement down in the distant-
Swiftly. I turned.
Shock slapped her face
"Naughty little girl- didn't anyone tell you not to wander at night?"
-I wake-

Vampyre

She has, strange hunger,
Her lusts take me under;
She hates me, I love her...
Her presence makes me younger.

I feel her -- around me,
I feel this -- insanity;
She pulls me from my bliss,
Breathes fire, with each last kiss.
*But now she, she's breaking,
My sweet gift: destruction;
I took her down my foggy road,
Where the demons feel hell get cold.

Now in darkness, she's with me,
Feels the veil of our shame;
A perfect death is harmony,
Perfect love lasts an eternity.
     

Reality

And I don't think I'll sleep tonight
Laid down upon shattered glass- stabbing against my back
Words seeping into my heart- just not yours
My hands bare of what's supposed to be filled with yours
It just isn't the same without you- all alone
I'm stuck in a place in between- with and without you
Seasons never change- it's always so cold
Locked and thrown away- the key to every dream
I could keep on pretending but it's not getting me anywhere
My mind's full- thoughts of you- the nightmare begins
No, I don't think I'll sleep tonight

Impenetrable Fortress

I try to say the words but they go unspoken
I continue to fall but only cause you push me down
I'll be going down the road that's been broken
I may be crying but there's not gonna be a sound
I'm struggling to keep the smiles on my face
But the tears keep on rolling down
I'm trying and I'm hiding but I'm failing
It just not easy-
But I'll stand if you want me to,
My head's strong but my heart keeps on flailing
I'm trying to see this through
And I'll keep on fighting
But only cause it'll make me stronger
And It'll keep me close to you longer.

Silhouette

The silhouette of the Victorian gown stood out by the window
Hair curled about in pretty ringlets down her bare shoulders
Perfect breasts overflowing the bust-
Moonlight cast shadows on her face
The gown hugged and swirled down her waist to her toes
Delicate but overpowering
Captivated in the outrageous beauty of the gown
Lured in with complete lust
Her hand in mine-the other on her hip-
We dance.

I'll tell you...

I'd break but I've already been broken
I'd cry but I'm all cried out
I'd talk but all the words have gone unspoken
I'd be dreaming but I'm here without
I'm screaming cause I've never been there before
I'd tell you everything you want to know, but you'd heard it all
I'll tell you one time- I miss you more-
I'd keep on standing but I'm not afraid to fall
I'd laugh but I'm already laughing
I'd catch you but I'm holding you
I'd cave but baby haven't you seen I'm already caving
I'm already yours- only you.
I'll tell you one time- I miss you more-

Love

I walk alone
Shadow cast slightly to my left
Moonlight above my head- shone
Darkness overwhelming
chills shiver as I walked past
Stoned walls covered of ivy
Naturally I'd stand in this moment; captivated
Wishing the surreal reality would last
Feelings conflicting
Pressing palms against the cool steel
Sharp textures rub against the soles
Such memories causes the heart to reel
Burning such relishing thoughts into the soul
Every moment; sordid affairs come to mind
But broken ties are often lies
Anything to break the bind that hold us within
I turn to go and the wind slightly blow
Never looking back, not once nor twice
Every memory left to be locked inside
Every chance at love has its price
Ours just wasn't worth saving.

You

My heart is shaking
My words keep on breaking
I don't know where this is taking
But I know this is all of my making
I'm wanting
But I keep on waking
Losing all sense of mind
But you leave constant things to remind
I'd keep on walking
But you make me turn around
I keep on falling straight to the ground
That's just the heart's way of talking
My heart is shaking
My words keep on breaking
I don't know where this is taking
But it's all got me you.

Mirrored

Each movement mirrored
Side way glance cloud my judgment
Every word is a statement;
Every emotion overwhelm
Constant waves of pain
Washes over me swiftly again and again
I tell you this confidently
This isn't who I am
I'm nothing compared to them;
Extreme highs and extreme lows
That's the way the wind blows,
The creek ripples and that's the way the world goes
Everything is always mirrored,
Shown in the past and future, set on replay
Mirrored.

Incapable

Something within consumes me
Burns and screams out silent cries
Torn apart from limbs to thoughts
Words cuts and bleeds through
Hatred run through my veins
Warping my thoughts into overdrive
Panic attacks come frequently
Unable to hold back
One of these days it'll overcome
I'll fall into the void you've left me in
My hands are tied,
Incapable of freeing, incapable of change
Stuck in this mindless stature
Ripping away at every other emotion I've got
Until nothing's left
I'll begin to rip everyone else apart
All that's left of my sanity
Has deteriorated into this-
Cold and sociopathic.
Unsaveable.

Don't.

I thought I knew you.
I thought I knew the truth
Used to be able to tell when you lie
Knew when you weren't okay and about to cry
Thoughts of your smiles and the way you looked
Nothing left but broken piles of memories
Never thought I'd see the day where I just don't care
Truth is, you took all that I had to bare
You say you know me
But you really don't even know me at all
You've finally got what you wanted
I don't want to love you
I don't care at all.

Never ending cycle

Hidden feelings
Agonizing heart aches as she walks by
One glance, no looking back
Put the past in the past
Shed a single tear
But it does not matter
I'd walk away from this if I could
Never experience the love she gave
Or the heartache as she ripped away
But yet here I stand
Unable to truly tear myself away
But I do it for another day
The cycle repeats tomorrow,
Never ending.

My heart's got a memory

My heart's got a memory
Splattered all over pages
Crooked smiles and love in the eyes of yours
Pounding down on the pavement
You want me gone
But my heart's there to stay
I could dwell on what's been done
Let the rain drown me
But even then my heart's still got a memory
I'd be gone because you want me to be
But I'm still dreaming
I can see your face in my reflection
I go to touch it
But you're gone...
My heart's got a memory
I'm on the road to no where in particular
I may be gone
But even then my heart's still got a memory
My heart's got a memory...

full moon

Full moon's out tonight
I'm so senseless
Relentless.
I've lost my nerve
Over confidence
Nothing's gonna get me tonight
Feel your breath on my neck
Reach for the bite
But then I turn to run
Losing sense of gravity
So breathless
Must be the moon tonight
Gotta be careless
But there's something
Something about you that makes it alright
Forget the escape
Embrace
I've lost all sense of reality
But its okay,
Its the moon tonight

Lonely

With the way the wind blows,
Veiny fingers stretch toward the sky
Water ripples in circlets
Air crisp with the taste of rain
A lone path foreshadows your future
Breathe a sigh of lonely.

Succubus

Cold-hearted
Full of flaws,
Leading boys on
Whispering thoughts into their heads
"I like you"
Playing flirtatiously
Losing interest as theirs begin to build
Senseless play things
Brushing them off and picking up another
The cycle begin and end the same way
Flawlessly, the answer's always been the same
She's it.

*unrelated*

3 AM

Panic.
I sit on the edge of my bed weeping
My breathing falters
Quickens and weakens
Thoughts creep into my head
I can't.
I run.
Cold air whip at my wet cheeks
Swinging idling by the lone swing that's still
You should be there.
Your hand in mine.
Emptiness fill the void
Memories batter my heart
Misery should not come from you
I was yours.
To love and to break.
But completely yours
There is no escape
No comparisons
Lost in this moment
Knowing nothing will change
This is me without you.
The lone swing begin to swing.

Hidden

Locked in a cage of hidden truths
Barred from believing in the supernatural
Withholding every thought, every emotion
Denying your true being
States of hypocrisy arise
Chained between what is real and what is not
Unlike a masochistic lion, resist the urge to fight
Cower in fear of being turned against
But shed whatever sanity that's left
Release whatever rage that's been built inside
Break free of the manacles and roar
Accept your true beauty and be proud
No chains of lies
Only the truth can be seen through glamor
Credendo Vides: By believing, one sees
Glamor is in truth itself
Free yourself

State of Mind

Stasis, everything about you sucks me in
Stasis, there is no room for escape
Stasis, the only place we belong
Stasis, lost in your memories
Stasis, stuck in the past- only this time I'm alone
Stasis, the distance between us isn't right
Stasis, the present does not exist
Stasis, no one left but us
Stasis, completely alone in this state of mind
Stasis, worlds of wonder
Stasis, I do not exist

Beauty unconcealed

All along have I known
The truth hidden in your words
But lies now expose to what is really shown
The truth is often unheard
Lies form parts of truth
Paths intertwined of hate
Beauty shed in its' own true glory
To this, we all relate
We grasp onto what we can hold
Let go of what we can live without
Of everyone but ourselves
Truth itself is beauty,
But unconcealed by the ugliness of lies.

Best friends

Best friends.
Capable of reading and knowing how and why they're feeling a certain way
Always wanting to keep them laughing
Eyes tell secrets that no one else can understand
Their hands always fit in yours when you need them the most
When heart break happens,
They're there with movies and words of encouragement
And their silly insiders of "turds" and "Pink Birdy's"
Being completely yourself around
Capable of falling asleep curled up beside them
Without worries of the occasional nightmares
They're there to hand you your drinks
And make fun of every mistake you do
They cry along with you when you're hurt
A best friend isn't a title,
It's a promise.

Existence

Time shifted-
I'm here and you're there
All that was left between had drifted
Nothing could break the tension that's left in the air
Silent words scream from my heart to yours
Yet, a response is never returned
I could have screamed and begged,
But words wouldn't have been heard
Nothing changes in the end
One thing in reality that I cannot escape or pretend,
We don't exist.

Widow's Walk

She stands
The salty air kisses her lips
As it whips through her hair,
She closes her eyes
And tilts her chin upward toward the sky
The sound of waves crashing; thunders in her ears
Splashes of icy rain drops pierce her face
Mixed with warm tears- they drip down the nape of her neck
She shivers,
Awaiting at widow's walk
She's forever alone,
At one with the world
She jumps.

Stasis

I wake up
Vast full of emptiness
And all I've got to show for it is a tear stained face
Don't tell me I never did try
You don't even know how hard it is
Scream at me- What do you want from me?
I lay in stasis,
Wishing I could be the apathetic bitch that you see me as
Spiraling into a gyre
Straight into rock bottom,
In my hand holds shattered glass
In the poor comparison that is my heart,
A pool of blood begin to form
Slipping into a state of memories,
I lay in stasis for you
No chance of escape,
No chance of return,
I lay in stasis.

Tempo

I sit here trying to capture the moment passed
I grasp onto any excuse I can
To keep you in my head
Every thought I have
I should push out but I cannot let go
Every time that we talk
My heart dance to a beat of its own
Every little thing disappears
The tempo increases just for a moment
The skies turn blue and I'm finally capable of breathing
The air- never sweeter, is delicious with you around
But I run out of time and it's hard to get through
I want to tell you the truth,
The truth about what you mean to me
It's all behind closed doors
Waiting to be all yours
Flat-lining until you resuscitate me
From my heart to yours,
The tempo shall increase when you're around
Spiking every so often as long as we talk
My heart survives because of you.

The Truth

I've come to realize that I'm not okay
I've come to realize that you can't handle my honesty
I've come to realize that I'm tangled up in someone that I can't let go
I've come to realize that I'm falling for you
I've come to realize that I'm not at all emotionally stable
I've come to realize that I have panic attacks daily
I've come to realize that I can't handle too much emotions at once
I've come to realize that I don't have as much patience as I used to
I've come to realize that I tend to flirt with so many people without meaning to
I've come to realize that I'm still broken but mending
I've come to realize that I'd do anything for my friends
I've come to realize that I cannot lie
I've come to realize that I have trust issues
I've come to realize that I let people walk over me because I don't want them upset
I've come to realize that I need to change and accept who I am
I've come to realize that I need myself.

Yours.

My last words would be all yours,
Kept sealed with the wind
& forever unheard.

Conflicted

So much confusion
Not enough words to describe
Just how much I feel inside
All your feelings are such illusions
All logic disappears
I'm full of despair
Wishing there was something left to spare
And all I'm left with are tears
There's too much to deal
Bursts of love and hatred
All my feelings you've desecrated
There's too much to feel that's real
By all pain you've inflicted,
My heart's conflicted.

I hate you

You say you care
Wanna call me baby all the time
But in my mind you constantly compare
Making it sound as if anything I do is such a crime
You make me so fucking mad
All the stupid things you say and do
How much more stress will you add
I'm so done with you
I'm tired of you always being so fucking mad
Screaming and making me do what you want
All you do is make me sad
With your words, you constantly taunt
All you ever want me to be is miserable
Because it makes you happy knowing I'm not
Knowing that I'm where you want me to be
Makes you feel happy and free
I'm not your ball and chain
I fucking hate you.

Close this door

I've seen this all before,
You want nothing more
It's time I closed this door.

I've heard this all before,
This time I'm leaving you
Begging on the floor.

You've said it all,
Said that you'd call.
Just put down the phone,
And left me all alone.
(All alone)

You've got your girls,
I bet they dance for you in twirls.
Bet you wouldn't notice if I was gone,
Just keep going on and doing what you do.
(Doing what you do)

Cause I, Cause I, Cause I've..

I've seen this all before,
You want nothing more
It's time I closed this door.

I've heard this all before,
This time I'm leaving you
Begging on the floor.

I'm gonna act as if I don't care
Gonna go somewhere, I don't know where
Somehow I'm gonna get there
(Gonna get there)

Leave you wondering why,
You've got me on some kind of high.
Got you begging me for more,
Should have thought of that before.
(Thought of that before)

Cause I, Cause I, Cause I've..

I've seen this all before,
You want nothing more
It's time I closed this door.

I've heard this all before,
This time I'm leaving you
Begging on the floor.

Let go

I keep on telling myself I'll be okay
But my heart tells me otherwise
All the tears that may fall,
At least I know I've given my all
Countless times have known of my continuous pleas
I've tried to stand on my own two feet
But that's as far I've ever gotten
Accomplishments or not,
It may have all been time and effort wasted
Although society is faltering,
But so am I, and so are you
I've given out so many chances
And ask for some in return
But I've learned you onlu live once,
So one chance or none at all,
You're all I've got
My only chance at happiness;
I've got to let go.

Astonish

Step back and take a look at the world as a whole
Full of nature and beauty in its own entirety
Never mind how the human race has dug its hole
A breach in its own society
It once was a full force of naturalism
Without its corporate and capitalist world
Within religion, the world retaliates into antagonism
Society is faltering on its own newborn legs
Incapable of rising to morals and beliefs
They suffer from greed, selfishness and drown in hate
Every generation's contribution to the world only lessens briefly
Fighting over whether the war's right or wrong, or if being gay is such sin
Would it all matter once one reaches heaven's gates
All the hate and immoralities that one achieved,
Would the day come where we'd all be relieved
Away from the center of manipulations and destruction
Would we ever return to the simplistic world that was once ideal
Escape the reality of success and seduction
We'd circle the world to find what's real
Then somehow the world will eventually heal
Spirituality replaces religious traits
Is this what have become of our fate
Between what's right and what's wrong,
Does it matter to where it ends down to the line
The world's not ours to take
We're left to grasp our reality and intertwine
Force ourselves to wake
See the world
See the world for what its become and what it once was
Our fate is what we make
We are who we made ourselves
We've only got to submit
To reality we've succumbed,
The only true sacrifice was our soul

Mr. Bonkers #2

Mr.Bonkers
Has a big honker
Brown spots cover his body
He's my somebody
He went away for a while
I missed him but his smile is always worthwhile
He's my lovely giraffe
A figment etched in my mind
He never fails to make me laugh
He's always there even if I leave him behind
He's my Mr.Bonkers

I scared- by the lovely Amber *insider*

*bright lights fill the room
a quick shut of the eyes
doesnt seem to leave
in pitch black, theres nothing i can do
the light switch is oh so far
there are no lighters or candles
so i must keep my eyes shut..
and chant.. " i scared"
suddenly, an angel heard my preyer
bright light fills the room
i am happy once again

Reflection

Slightly oval, long and lean shaped
Small, inviting, smoothly lined lips
Slender, rosy cheeks
Alluring Greenish blue eyes
Small sized nose with a slight bump
Feminine chin
Looking strikingly back at me
Emotions begin to surface
Hand pressed against the glass
Sadness appear in the eyes
Her laughter lines are drawn into a frown
Tracing my fingers along her cheek, down to her chin
Anger hits instantly
Something inside bursts
Tears begin to flow
Rage and shame pour out of her eyes
The girl disappears
Nothing left but a wall
Bleeding knuckles with shattered glass
I hate my reflection
Covered in pain
Written upon my face, shown for all to see
It's not me

Stuck

It should have been us
Walking hand in hand
Everything and nothing less
But I understand
I've been here once or twice before
Familiar feelings surface
Final shards of the heart tore
With a single embrace,
I've accepted death
Took a step or two backward
Sighed the last breath
I took a step forward
There's a storm coming
And I'm lost behind
I can feel myself becoming
More and more entwined
Wishing to find some escape
There's only one way left
To find a single reason, the shape
Of reality and of truth
It should have been us
I'm stuck.

Transformation of a sensation

Transformation
Such a sensation
She's my temptation
She's got my love
The looks I'd never dream of
She's the one I'm unworthy of
I should have been the one
But it's already begun
She's already done
She's gone
I'm withdrawn
Shes so pretty and so brawn
So unexpected
I wish we were still connected
Her words are so affected
I'm so rejected
She's still the one I want
She's got it all to flaunt
Memories of her, they will haunt
She's my temptation
Such a sensation
Transformation

Incomplete

Not tonight, Not tomorrow
I'd live in sorrow
Maybe never, Maybe someday
I know I'll be okay, Maybe not today
Just a chance, Just a dream
Things are never the way it seems
Live your life, Live your heart
Tear me apart
You've got me, You've got you
Somehow we'll get through
Broken dreams, Broken words
The voices will be heard
Just breathe, Just live
Just love.

Enchantress

Breathe a whisper upon her lips
Slightly graze at the nape of her neck
A single look into her alluring eyes caused me to slip
The moment in its own entirety, caused heartache and wreck
Her trusting gaze had turned to hate
Losing such control when I had promised I'd never harm
Upon my shoulders, piled upon of heavy weight
Fighting the urge to lure her with charm
The lengthened bond had broken
Heart heavy with hurt and rage
Such final words were left unspoken
From the enchanted creek, had I awaken
Allured from the moonlit reflections, darkness had overtaken
Entrancing and left breathless
Awaiting for the dark angel to wander through the trees and take my hand

my life.. without you.

Laying here wide awake
Knowing I'll be awake for hours on end
Realizing that the one thing on my mind
Is never going to come true again.
I wonder if you ever lie awake and think the same thing
I roll over and tears begin to shed
This is nothing new, this is my life now.
Without you.
Ill manage to squeak out a whisper...
"I miss you"
Its never going to change
You're never going to be mine again

Truth begins to deceive

I try to stand strong
When the truth begins to deceive
There's nothing left to believe
There's nowhere left to belong
My destination's still unknown
I'm trying to move on
My life has been drawn
But now I'm all alone
I'm meant to walk these streets alone
But my forever has become unknown
The pain keeps holding on
It's time to let go
I try to stand strong
When the truth begins to deceive
There's nothing left to believe

In truth or lies

My forever turned out to be a lie
My love was all that she could deny
The dreams we shared shattered
She was the only one who mattered
She would have been the one I lived or died for
I would have given my forever to her
Searching for the real meaning
Realizing that she was my ending
To live in truth or in a lie
My heart, I cannot rely
For my forever turned out to be a lie.

Tainted

My heart is tainted
Rage consumed me
Hate is the only thing acquainted
All that's left of me to be
Feeling the hollow void
Hatred strengthens
Every happy thought destroyed
The intensity of pain lengthens
Jealousy devours the heart
Vulnerable and full of weakness
The desire to tear apart
Full of her deceptiveness
Realizing truths and dreams will never meet
My curtain has closed
On the last thing that ever made me complete
The truth of her heart came exposed
Turned her back on love
No more sunrises for me
Wishing it was her I was free of
Sunsets sigh my relief of the end of another day
The darkness is my only friend

I hate you

I hate you,
Point blank, the answer's simple
Once upon a time I loved you
Thought you were the sun in my darkness
The flame of her hair caught my attraction
To her, my love seemed inferior
Never enough, always wanting more
You are the shadow that follows my every move
Every thought and every breath
Every memory of the brushes of her lips
Reminds me of how I'm nothing to her
Not even a thought wasted
No more sunrises
Anger flames inside
You love her
I hate you.

i should have known better

When you said forever and ever
I should have known better
Why aren't you here
I'm all alone
Forever means nothing now
Lost my faith in faerie-tales
No happy ever after
your forever seems so long ago
I should have known better
Why did I allow myself to fall
Forever means nothing
I'm so alone...
I should have known all along
That your forever was bound to end
I should have known better
Then maybe I wouldn't be such a mess..

Through.

The feeling of love is replaced
Left with pure hate and regret
Out of everything I've ever faced
I wish it's you I could forget
Wishing I meant something to you
Left with nothing but thoughts
I'm finally through with you
Set you free and finally see
For who you are
Today, I shall begin to finally feel
Escaping the firm grasps of your manipulation
I'm through with you.

Desire

My heart enclosed;
Truth of my feelings exposed
Dwelling upon the past
Seeking for a love that will last
Insecurities write my face
Wanting things to fall into place
Continuous pondering of what our fate will come to be
The heart desires to be with thee
Hoping our paths will intertwine
In truth and secrets I shall confide
Somehow it will always end with you and me

Imagine,

Let's Imagine,
Never breathing in the same air as you again
Let's Imagine,
Never hearing the sound of your voice
Let's Imagine,
Never feeling your arms around me again
Let's Imagine,
Never knowing the complete truth
Let's Imagine,
Never talking to you again
Let's Imagine,
Never being yours
Let's Imagine,
Never having someone give you their all
Let's Imagine,
Never feeling alive again
Let's Imagine,
Me walking away
Let's Imagine,
Me cutting you out of my life
Let's Imagine,
Me having the last word
Let's Imagine,
Me finding the strength in myself to tell you who I really think you are
Let's Imagine,
Me telling you that I don't need you
Let's Imagine,
Me giving up on you
Let's Imagine,
Me picking up the pieces of my heart
Let's Imagine,
Me saying that it's all really over
Let's Imagine,
The end of us.

Don't lie

Don't talk about the feelings that aren't really there,
Don't lead me on if you don't really want me,
Why do you say what I want to hear and then break my heart?
Don't say things that you don't really mean,
Why look at me in the eye when all you do is lie?
Don't say hello if you really mean goodbye,
Don't say you love me if you're going to walk away

Unreachable, Lost, Failed

Hiding behind masks of disguise
Tired of her lying words
Dancing around the truth
Holding back the tears
Although stabbing pains sears
Knowing that she knows
Makes it all nearly unbearable to endure
Masking a disguise is nearly impossible
The truth is written upon my face
Unable to hide
Wanting to hold onto the past
Unreachable, lost, failed
I'm losing it.

She's gonna wish she was a better man

I'm right where I want to be
All alone and numb
She's in another world
Nobody but me
Truth is, she isn't gonna come
Someday she's gonna wish she was a better man
Promises don't mean anything
I kissed her and then she ran
Tried to keep with a ring
But if she knew just how it feels
To get everything destroyed
She's gonna wish she was a better man
She's still everything I ever wanted
But she ran
Now I'm right where I want to be
And someday she's gonna wish she was a better man

I wish she knew

I wish she knew,
That it was all her
I wish she knew,
That I wish she was mine
I wish she knew,
That I wish she wasn't her's
I wish she knew,
That I tear myself apart
I wish she knew,
That I need her
I wish she knew,
That she is perfect
I wish she knew,
I'd die to keep her happy
I wish she knew,
That I wish to be her's

I'll break your heart

I'll break your heart
Take me deep inside
I'll crumble the walls
I'll pick you apart
We will collide
Promises of no pain will befall
I'll try to be sweet
Hold you close til you feel you belong
Open up your world that was once so dark
Breathe you in and make you complete
Break you down and make you strong
With your heart, you embarked
Hold onto you and you hold onto me
Whisper all your secrets away
Make you feel so alive
Just let us be
Don't lead us astray
You will revive
I'll break your heart
Only to bring you back
You make me so complete
Broke my heart into cracks
You make it so sweet
I'll break your heart

Trapped

Smothered in lies
Insanity circulates
Truthfulness cause pain
Breathing in and out
Pure hatred inflames
Cries of freedom never reached
Burning in the pits of darkness
Trapped inside reality
Cruelness and broken
All alone

Huntress

Blood lust
Closing in
Sounds fade
Giving in
Eyes turn to slits
Sense of smell overdrives
Canine teeth begin to lengthen
Venom sires in the mouth
Excitement surges
Watching every move
Every pulse
Listening for the shaken breaths
Remembering every taste
The need to take
Closing in on the prey
Hearing the heartbeat and whimpers of "Jade"
Shock overwhelm the body
Reality comes back to the senses
Staggering back into the tree
The night comes back into vision
Gasping for air
Looking into the eyes of her prey
Begging and scared
Realizes she must disappear,
The huntress falls victim to her prey

Alone

I think I've always known
This is the way it has to go
Blood of our love spilled
Her dreams fulfilled
She's got the love she's always wanted
Whilst I'm all alone
She's meant to walk alongside someone
Where I'm meant to roam on my own
One way or another
It's the way it's meant to be

Eclipse

Our paths no longer intertwined
Everything that was ever said
Has taken a toll upon my heart
Every word from her lips bled
To in which we part
Bloodied thoughts linger upon my lips
Luscious touches craved
Compare thee to a crimson eclipse
Our true love deprived
Feelings are left undefined

Favorite mistake; another regret

Unwanted, unbearable
Undefined, unknown

Knowing the truth
Holding back with everything I've got
She loves me, not
Love is too complex

Full of pent up anger
Wanting to say what's on my mind
Wishing I could rewind
Step up and do what I really want

I had the chance but I let the moment go
Could have given myself my favorite mistake
And your biggest regret
In truth, we both know

Repressing love is like pent up anger
Holding back when it's bound to burst
Fell in love headfirst
Leaving myself to be completely broken

My biggest regret
Not taking the moment
To show you how much I really miss you
You're impossible to forget

Wanting to thrash out
Get drunk and forget everything there is
To be unable to feel
Now I'm full of doubt and without
Wishing that I had kissed you

But I held back
Sobriety is easier when I'm either happy or hurting
Because for once I felt something even if it was a crack
My heart already shattered each little piece there is
Felt apathetic for far too long
So empty and so bleak

I crave pain just to feel
All I want is to feel you again even through heartbreak
Never ending and never yours
Maybe someday I'll wake up and realize
That maybe, just maybe I'll move on
That maybe I will be okay

Maybe you'll be mine again
Because I'm always yours
You're my favorite mistake
Just don't let it be another regret

Contrast

Simple thoughts
Complex outcomes
She wanders
Moonlight shone against her pearly white skin
Leaving such contrast in the night
Clutching the railing
Looking below at the billowy sea
Stifled cries
She climbs and jumps
In sorrow she drowns
How can something so beautiful not want to exist?

Explore

No strings attached
Pure lust
Emotions override, scratched
Bodies begin to thrust
Windows steams
Touches and twirls
Orgasmic screams
Three sexy girls
Bodies sweat
Craving for more
She's completely wet
Wanting to explore
I want you now.

At Mortality's End

Afraid of not being
The dark void grows
Unable to foresee
Unknown paths that we chose
To wander along
Every dawn is a new day
Have to find strength and be strong
Wishing immortality existed so we can stay
Each sunset is the end of a day
Approaching mortality's end
Soon I'll have to lay
No more time to pretend
Everyone lies and everyone dies
Not enough time for cries
For mortality's end is inevitable.

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Blackberry

I take it everywhere I go,
Sleep with it cradling in my hand
Vibrations and the light blinks
I see that one text from the one I love
Skins and different colors
It's so unique, it's me
So easy to use and so smooth
When I get a call, my favorite tone plays
The camera goes click, click
Saves over 1000 pictures that I love
I love my blackberry
It's my connection to the one I love

Here to stay

You'll always be insatiable
Cause you know she's not the one you really want
To you I'm so irresistible
Not gonna flaunt

You don't have what it takes
You can't be without her
Just can't break what you gotta break
Do whatever you prefer

Cause baby I'm not going anywhere
You've got me right where you want me
Though I've gotta tell ya, I don't share
I'll be whatever you want me to be

Just gotta make the first play
Then I'll be here to stay

Lifesavers

Twist your tongue around
Make a loop
Lick and swirl
Sucking into the center
Juicy flavors on the tip of your tongue
Lifesavers.

I'm inlove with a girl

Blue eyes
Fair skinned
Not a word escapes her lips
Thoughts go unread
Time passes without a breath
Her face unreadable
She's so unreachable
I wanna get inside
Her heart and her mind
Eyes searching, full of wonder
Her laughs sing a musical tune
She drives me crazy
She's untouchable
One look is all it takes
She's worth the second glance
She's so irresistible
I lose my breath
And every thought scrambles through my mind
I'm in love with a girl.

You don't care, you don't wanna cry

Everything about you is so weak
Your eyes are smiling but your soul is dead
You lay awake, try to get her out of your head
You've got a stubborn streak
Say you don't care, you don't wanna cry
But all you do is lie
You think everything you do is sleek
Hide under a mask of disguise
You're just full of goodbyes
Your words are so bleak
Searching for reasons to go on
Everything that was you is gone
Left a mark upon my cheek
You're still here but you're not mine
It's never going to be fine
Everything about you is so weak

Bye pretty lady

Bye pretty lady,
I think about you day and night
Everything about you is so nice
Don't be so shady
Tell me what you like
You know you wanna talk a bit
You just gotta admit
Maybe I'll tell you who I like
Bye pretty lady,
You know who I'll dream about tonight

Addiction

Self inflicted
One more thing I'm addicted
Broken words flow from the mouth
Leading the heart and soul south
Feeling apathetic
Whilst she be apologetic
Or completely unaware
Full of despair
Lies and vindication
But also full of temptation
Quick to desire but not to regret
Admiring her beautiful silhouette
I'd continue to be self inflicted
She's one more thing I'm addicted
Unable to give up and always giving in
The inevitable win
She has me intoxicated
Addiction accelerated
I'm her's.

What you mean to me

Never wanna say what you mean to me
Never wanna run
Never wanna leave
Cause you're the biggest part of me
You complete me
You're the best thing about me
Frightened to believe
That you're not even mine
Wanna feel alive
Feel the ground beneath me
Before it gets taken out from under me
Feeling stuck
Searching for a way to get out
Turn around and shut down
Never telling you what I wanna say to you
Never wanna run from you
Never wanna leave you
But I can't say what you mean to me

To be a kid

Summer breeze,
So carefree
Skinned knees
Big squeezes
Living in the sunshine
Hands intertwined
Skipping ropes
Full of dreams and hope
Oh, just to be a kid again.

Best friends

They laugh at you when you fall down
Pick you up only to make your ass do it again
Push you around and tease you
Make you laugh til you cry
Dance to the music and singing at the top of your lungs
Make you do things you'd never do alone
Confide in and cry to when you need them there
Tell whoever broke your heart that they're gonna kick their ass
Make you smile when you're dying inside
Act retarded with you and think nothing of it
Completely and utterly your true friends

Bath

Burst of laughter
Splashes of water
Soapy heads
Playing with toys
Water all over the floor
Singing "scrub a dub, dub"
I love my rubber ducky,
Bath time is fun!

Lie

Heart breaking
Unreal
Wanna pretend she never existed

Insane
Unbelievable
There's gotta be a way
To unlove you

Forgive but not forget
My heart's begging me not to give up,
To find a way to make this right
But my dignity is telling me
I gotta walk away

Chorus
I gotta do what I gotta do
There's nothing left to say
What's done is done
I've gotta severe all ties
Gotta break my own heart
Tear myself up and rip it apart
Because you don't love me
I gotta do what I gotta do
I gotta walk away

Giving up a fight
and walking away
It takes all of me not to turn around
Forget everything
Just to unlove you

Forget what makes me melt
Your eyes, lips and touch
Emotions
Broken
I wish I could turn into stone
Just to unlove you

Chorus
I gotta do what I gotta do
There's nothing left to say
What's done is done
I've gotta severe all ties
Gotta break my own heart
Tear myself up and rip it apart
Because you don't love me
I gotta do what I gotta do
I gotta walk away

Forgive but not forget
My heart's begging me not to give up,
To find a way to make this right
But my dignity is telling me
I gotta walk away

I gotta look at you
Tell you, I don't love you
I gotta walk away
No choice but to lie
Tell you, I don't love you
You hurt me so bad,
Threw away everything we had

Chorus
I gotta do what I gotta do
There's nothing left to say
What's done is done
I've gotta severe all ties
Gotta break my own heart
Tear myself up and rip it apart
Because you don't love me
I gotta do what I gotta do
I gotta walk away

There's gotta be a way
To make myself forget
Can't keep on loving
Gotta be a way to unlove you
I gotta walk away

Crying over the truth or smiling over a lie?

Which is better?
Crying over the truth,
Or smiling over a lie?
Knowing that the truth hurts but someday you will heal
But the longer a lie goes, the longer it will take to get over it
Though, I've always wondered
What if the truth was so bad, that you'd never recover?
Your heart gets broken and your whole perspective on life changes
You go from being you to someone who is broken,
Empty and full of sadness
Smiling over a lie has its perks,
You don't shed a tear
You believe you are truly happy,
But is it worth it?
Living a lie?
It could destroy you
What if crying over the truth never ends?
The pain of knowing just continues
So you tell me,
Which is better,
Crying over the truth or smiling over a lie?

She knows we belong

I sit and contemplate,
Telling myself that it has to get better somehow
It can't get any worse where I'm so numb inside
Can't feel much of anything
Except the pain when she creeps into my mind
I keep on trying to be strong,
This hold on me that she's got isn't letting up
I know for a certain, she knows we belong
I try to stand up and be strong
Keep on spiraling straight to the bottom
Fighting every chance I've got
Losing myself along the way
Cause each day I wake,
I realize it's another day without her
Losing her more and more
With every step of the way
It has to get better somehow
I can't keep letting it be this way,
I don't know how it got to be this bad
I keep on fighting and leaving behind the tears
Somehow it'll be okay,
Cause I know for a certain, she knows we belong.

A Vengence for Revenge

Escaping reality
Running from the truth
Hiding behind shades of lies
Holding back and fighting your heart,
Wanting and needing are two different things
Desire to be held,
Knowing that they want it too
But you must choose
Follow your responsibilities
Because you were taught to do so,
Avoiding your true love,
Tears shed and the heart aches
Fighting back your emotions,
Just to be numb,
To take over all control
Must protect others before yourself
"They come first"
Dreaming of having both,
Of escaping reality
And living in the truth instead of lies.
True love is lost
The fighting chance and only memories have vanished
Everything is gone.
Her true love has been ripped away
She had chosen responsibility over love
As did he.
Tears shed,
Anger and hurt infuriates and takes over
Losing all control and reasoning
Her love is gone,
All purpose has disappeared with him
But her vengence for revenge had strengthened,
Responsibility and the life she had chosen,
Is overthrown
"They come first" is rejected
Not now, she needs herself.
Running toward the truth,
For what she knows she has to do,
Between life and death,
And the promise she had given
Life only has one purpose,
And that is to kill.

Blood red

Given a rose with blood red petals,
Sharp thorns prick your fingers
But its the most beautiful thing you've ever seen,
Its so beautiful and so painful at the same time
The first petal began to fall,
Everyday it gets harder to breathe
Hard to get up in the morning
And to realize its another day
Without breathing in the scent,
Seeing and hearing her voice,
Nothing magical fills my heart
Forced to be cold blooded and hard,
Unable to pick up my own pieces
For they keep shattering repeatedly
She's my rose,
Pretty to look at
But will prick you and make you bleed
The final petal has withered away.

The road not yet taken

Thoughts and words idle by
Dreams of such wonder get shoved into a box,
Thrown into the drawer and locked away
Obsessing about the what if's
Taking this path instead of the other
Choosing something you know
Instead of experiencing the unknown
Things get missed out and lost upon
Sometimes stepping out of the safety box
Gets you to somewhere absolutely amazing
Or it takes you to pure hell
Either way, the unknown gives you experiences
Wondering if I should unlock my dreams
Go explore them even when it may bring me down
I can't leave it as the road not yet taken,
The desire of going and wanting to experience
Burns inside of me
It's time to step out of my safety box
To explore and be free!

Ophelia

Forbidden love by father and the King
Warned to avoid my one true to thee,
Out of fear for he does not truly love
My maddened lover be midnight secrecy,
Clothing askew and a hellish expression upon his face
Forbidden to see my love,
Father claiming he is lovesick over me
"To be or not to be" (1)
My love shouts at me, "I say we have no mo marriages"(2)
He has gone,
Left me bewildered and broken
Sure knowledge that he has gone insane
Confusion and hurt once he said "a woman's love is brief" (3)

Gone mad with anger and hurt
Twice caused by the same man, by her love
Father had been killed by the man who she claimed to love
Riddles and rhymes, and songs of death and losing virginity
Blesses everyone and makes her silent exit
Climbs branches that tear away her gown,
They've been broken before and in sorrow she drowns

The Queen questions,
"Incapable of her own distress" (4)
Claimed she had gone insane,
Her brother, Laertes refuses to believe the truth;
Committed suicide

The Queen Gertrude sprinkles flowers over the grave,
Wishes that she could have been Hamlet's wife,
Her daughter-in-law
Laertes says no man has ever loved his sister as he
But her love,Prince Hamlet, challenges,
Loved Ophelia more than "forty thousand brothers" (5) could

** All the bracket numbers and the quotations are from the play "Hamlet" by Shakespeare.

Awaiting for arrival of life

On a red bench in the cold
The glass exterior of the stop
Prevents the harsh winds
Grey skies bring gloomy days
Snow on the ground
Bare branches look dreary
Tired of wintry days
Waiting for spring to come
For grass and flowers to burst
Trees to be filled with life and leaves
To feel renewed along with blue skies
The anticipation of spring
Cannot come soon enough!

Icarus

Bright blue eyes,
Hair golden like the sun
Pearly white wings fledged from the mid of his back
Sewn together with feathers
Looking down below,
Villagers going about their day
Viewing the amorous sky,
He felt the desire, the need to soar
Without thought, he jumped!
Spread his wings and soared high
High toward the hot sun,
The sun that instantaneously melted his wings
The beautiful boy fell
Spiraling down straight into the water
Villagers gaped for only a moment,
Before they turned their eyes
And then went on with their day
Icarus has fallen.


*This poem is based off the following information below that I took from:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icarus


Escape from Crete:
Icarus' father, Daedalus, a talented craftsman, attempted to escape from his exile in Crete, where he and his son were imprisoned at the hands of King Minos, the king for whom he had built the Labyrinth to imprison the Minotaur (part man, part bull). Daedalus, the master craftsman, was exiled because he gave Minos' daughter, Ariadne, a clew of string in order to help Theseus, enemy of Minos, survive the Labyrinth and defeat the Minotaur.

Daedalus fashioned two pairs of wings out of wax and feathers for himself and his son. Before they took off from the island, Daedalus warned his son not to fly too close to the sun, nor too close to the sea. Overcome by the giddiness that flying lent him, Icarus soared through the sky curiously, but in the process he came too close to the sun, which melted the wax. Icarus kept flapping his wings but soon realized that he had no feathers left and that he was only flapping his bare arms. And so, Icarus fell into the sea in the area which bears his name, the Icarian Sea near Icaria, an island southwest of Samos.[1]

Comet

A girl stands outside
In the cool breeze of the night
Looks up at the sky
All of these stars shining bright
She looks into the telescope
Seeing nothing that she desires
Standing impatient
Waiting for something that may never arrive
But she will wait forever
Believing that someday
Her comet will come;
My comet will come.

fighting chance

Holding onto something special
Something that once existed
And extremely beautiful
Sometimes wishing I could let go
But she's so exquisite that I
Couldn't ever begin to do so.
Holding onto something
And fighting all you've got
Holding onto nothing
But a dream, isn't worth fighting for
Something that never existed and never will
Only lead to broken hearts.
Fighting for something that was true,
May lead to broken hearts
But, you've still got her
In your heart, forever.
I'm not giving up every little piece
I had of you,
Fighting chance for love.

Emergency room

Emergency room
Got a broken heart
You left me messages
Trying to apologize
Kisses don't lie
But now I know
This is the last time
Forget it baby,
It's not happening
You messed with my head
You wanted her and
Then you got played
First it was me,
And then it was you
Heading for the emergency room
Got a broken heart
Left destroyed and all alone
It's bye, bye baby
Emergency room's calling,
You've got a broken heart

First and last

The first one to cross my mind
Bring a smile to my face and tears to my eyes
The first I think about when I wake
And the last when I go to sleep
The one I dream about day and night
I could dream of her forever
So many memories and so many tears
Never thought the funny ones would make me sad
But they make me happy too
She's the one that's always on my mind
The first and the last person
I need her.

Giving in

I'll tell myself to forget
To move on and pretend
Walk past without a second glance
Pretend you didn't exist,
That I'm invisible
Pretend that I don't care at all
That it's no big deal and that I'm okay
Hide myself when it all hits me
And realize that it's all true
Living a lie and running from the truth
Telling myself that I don't love you
Knowing that later it will tear me apart
Walk past you and give you that second glance
A single look in your eyes
And I give in,
Giving into my heart and allowing emotions wash over me
Heart pounding and tears bleed
I could tell myself that I don't love you all I want
But my heart knows that it's not the truth
I love you and one look is all it takes
Say the word and I'm all yours
I'm giving in
Knees weak and bound to buckle
Falling to the ground
I give in to you,
I love you.

My weakness

Everyday my heart aches
Waiting for something from you;
Anything at all
Wishing you would grab my hands
Tell me that you miss me
That you've wanted me all along
To even look at me in the eye and smile
I miss the trills of your laughs
And the smile that dance in your eyes
I could lie and say I don't want you
That I've moved on and that I don't need you
Or that I don't love you
But my eyes would give me away
My heart would break along with my voice
I couldn't lie to you if I tried
You can easily make me the happiest person in the world
But you can also make me the weakest
You give me strength but you also make me vulnerable
If anything, you're my weakness
I couldn't fight that
You could break me but you'd fix me with a smile
You're the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me
You are my personal brand of heroin,
Addictive and unable to give up.

Forever

Wishing away my dreams
A lifetime with you does not suffice
My heart beats onto its last beat for you
I'd take my last breath and give it to you
I would dance with you one last time
If it meant it gave you forever
If you were happy, even if it's without me
But my love, I'd give you anything that I could
You wanted love, I gave you it
You wanted to be free, I left you be
But I still live for you
My heart beats on,
My last breath will be for you
Everlasting and forever yours,
Take care of my heart for I have left it with you.

Drama is overrated

Quick whispers and shocked gasps
Playing the telephone game
Nobody truly cares
Except the ones it revolves around
People getting angry and people crying
Fights break out and people break down
Rumors get out and around
But when does the truth finally come out?
It breaks people but it also set them free
Drama is unnecessary and a waste of time
Heartbreak and broken friendships
Just end it all because it's not worth it
Keep things to yourself!

I need you

Lying wide awake
Between my two best friends
A night filled with laughter and sillyness
Turned into a night of loneliness
Leaving me to stray my thoughts
And leading them straight to you
Wondering what you're doing
If you're lying in bed wide awake at 4 am
Missing me like how I'm missing you
I dream of us, of being whole
I can't take this anymore
Feeling all alone when people are surrounded...
Is like a black hole
Full and empty
I can't live without you,
I don't want to.
I miss you every second of the day
I live and breathe for you,
Tell me you need me too...

It's your turn now

Dead on the inside
Cause without you,
I'm barely even here
Can't even feel your sweet breath
So far away, so unreachable
So transparent, I'm fading away
I'm so invisible and you're so irresistible
You wanted this
But now you wish you knew what it's like
To be so alone, to be so unnoticed
To be forgotten just like the way you forgot me
Go be a ghost, because that's what I've been all along
It's your turn now
To be dead on the inside
Cause without you,
I was barely even here
I walked the lonely road
Silent screams made not a sound
So far away, so unreachable
Fight while you can,
Because being forgotten and broken
Is such a lonely road to walk all alone
Dead on the inside
Cause without you,
I'm barely even here
I'm already disappearing.

Silent Beauty

Sun sets while full moon rises
Blackness blanket the night
Twinkles of stars light up the sky
Silence fill the awed beauty
Stars begin to dance and hypnotize
Dreams begin to grow and fantasize
The river plays a silent melody
Water lapping among the rocks
Creating such sense of tranquility
Soft, moist breeze flow through the trees
The air, sweet with dew
Such silent beauty to fill the world

After all this...

You say you care
That you miss me and want me
But you're not even there
How can you lie to me?
After saying you loved me for seven months
Seven months apparently means nothing to you now
You go and you laugh and you don't care at all
You take my best friend and put her in the middle of us
You can't even look at me in the eye
Or talk to my face
I was hurt and sad and missed you
I still miss you, but I'm more angry and insulted
you said you loved me, but how could you have ever loved me?
If you did, you never would have hurt me like this
You would have talked and hung out with me
Make me feel better and maybe we could have even been friends
But at this point I cannot see this happening
I miss you, but what can I do anymore?
I'm giving up, giving up on love, on you.

Breakdown

Looking for the beauty in something ugly
Trying to find the silver lining
Finding the strength inside shades of grey
Maybe I'm headed for a break down
And maybe I'm gonna be okay
Because with or without you
I'm gonna break and I'm gonna fall
But it will be alright
Because if I'm headed for a break down
Or go for a shake down,
I'll have me but who are you gonna have?

Let me Fall

Let me rise and let me fall
Let me breathe and let me hold it all in
Let me lose control of all sense of reality
I'm not afraid to lose it all
Let me break and let me crawl
Let me fight and let me drown
I'm done being afraid of it all
I lost you and now there's nothing left
What do I have left to lose?
I will get up again if you let me fall
Because after you, I'm still standing
Even though I'm hurting through it all

Start anew

She sits on the hood of her car
Contemplating why she drove there
With so much on her mind,
The break of dawn has risen
Sounds of baby birds chirping for their mothers
Air moist from the cold night
Grass wet with dew
The sky turn from grey to shades of pink and purple
Big, white, puffy clouds float by
Waves crash below the cliff
Tranquility brushes over her
The cool breeze spray sea mist at her face
The morning has sung, a brand new day has begun
This is why she had driven here,
To start anew, to forget about her life for a moment
She feels fresh

Barely Alive

Each night is barely bearable to go to sleep with
Because it's the end of another day without you,
But each morning kills parts of me
Because it's another day to begin without you in my arms.
I'm barely even alive,
I'm lost and unsure of where to go
It feels like you've died but you're still around
I see you but it's like you're just a dream
Memories cling around me and hits me like bullets
Sometimes I just want to fall apart
But I hold it together until you're gone
I can't let you see these tears,
I have to be stronger than I am
I can't show you exactly how bad I'm hurting
Because I don't want to bring you down,
It shouldn't affect you
But how do I live through another day without you?
I do things because I have to,
Other times I just want to stay in bed and sleep
The only things that are keeping me alive are my friends
And because of you because I don't think
I could hurt you enough to do that
Even though you're gone, I'm still in love with you
I miss you more and more each day
I'm barely alive anymore.

Make me whole again

Each night I feel a void growing bigger and bigger
As I go through another day without her,
Loneliness and emptiness fill my dreams
Aching for her weightless arms to wrap around
So alone, even if a friend is here
It isn't enough, the hole gets bigger
This isn't something anyone can fill
No one but her can make me feel whole again
Each night it's hard going to bed,
Knowing that it was the end of another day without her
Each day, it's even harder to get up
Because it's another day having to get through life
Without the one I want there more than anything
Some days I wonder, if I'll ever wake up
Because life shouldn't be this hard
No one can fill the void of heartache that she has left me with
No one, except for her can make me whole again
I'll have to live my life carrying this void around
Until I die or until she decides to save me
Make me whole again.

Chase

In a new strange town,
The sky grows darker and the sun begin to set
Glance at the watch and time has suddenly disappeared
The rush begin to catch the train home
Running into one direction
But then you realize you've forgotten where you had come from
The wind starts to increase
You pull up your coat in attempt to block off the harsh wind
Decide to turn left but then four guys appear
You turn around and head back the other direction
You notice that two of the guys were still following
You quicken your pace
Time is getting later and the rain begin to fall
Chills begin to run up your spine
As you reach a corner,
Across the street you see the other two guys
You look back and see the two who were following you
Were chasing you, leading you down this path
Your breath shortens, you begin to shake
Terrified for your life
These guys begin to yell
Laughing and tells you to calm down
That they just want to "talk"
You run across the opposite side of the street
Bright headlights sweep your way
A car roars loudly as a door swings open
A familiar face quickly shouts for you to get in
Without a second glance or a thought of hesitation,
You jump in and sigh a relief
The car roars away,
Safe at last with the person you love.

Took it all for granted

The last few months have disappeared
I wonder where all that time had went
How it had gone by so quickly,
The time spent with her
Was possibly one of the best times in my life
That had gone too fast,
I never thought that I'd have to live without her
To ache every day just for a single hug
To wake up beside her beautiful face
I've tried to slow down,
Tried not to take her for granted
But it's too late
She's gone
Now all that's left is me sitting here
Reminiscing day and night
Wishing that I could see her smile
Hear her say she loves me
And to smell that cologne I had bought for her
Just to feel her wanting to hold me just a little while longer
I didn't think that memories of her would break me
Thinking of her would bring me down
All the happy times are just left wishing to go back into time
All that's left for me to do is to watch her be happy
To let her go on with her life,
Someday mine will begin again
But right now my world has been put on pause
Time goes by so slowly
Just when I wish it had been slower while I was with her
Some day, some how everything will be alright
Maybe I won't have to live without her,
Maybe I do have to but somehow it will be okay
I will eventually move on, I have to.

Live your life

Have you ever laid back and watched the clouds go by?
Or listen to the pitter patter of a child's bare feet running around the house?
Have you taken the time to think about life?
Or do you run through every day with haste?
Slow down, don't rush through life
Have you ever just sat on a bench and watch people go about their lives?
Watched a whole bunch of fish swim and wonder if they like their life?
Or watch little kids faces light up when their parents show up to pick them up from school?
Slow down, what are you hurrying for?
Ever just painted a picture just for the hell of it?
Or picked apart a flower saying "she loves me, she loves me not?"
Or just sat with a friend because they needed someone to be with?
Have you just wondered what life could have been like if you did something different?
Slow down
Have you said "hi, how are you" and not wait for the answer?
Said no to a friend because you were too busy when they needed you the most?
Or crushed a child by breaking a small promise to take them somewhere special,
Without knowing you had disappointed them?
Slow down, breathe life.. you can only live it once
Have you ever just danced in the rain or climbed a tree?
Have you felt so free that you could float on air?
Or kissed someone you love and wish you could never let go?
Ever chase a butterfly just to see where it is going?
Got up early in the morning just to see the sun rise?
Or laughed with friends and take a road trip?
Slow down, live your life. Don't rush it.
Stop missing out on the great things in life.
Children are the face of nature,
Life has so much to offer,
don't live through each day with clutter filling your head.
Get out there, slow down and take in the scenery
Hold a child's hand and play hopscotch or go to the zoo.
Do anything adventurous once in a while,
Experience life, don't fight it.
Just live.

Rain Dance

The sky grow dark and ominious
Grey clouds roll in
Thunder claps shake the ground
Lightning strikes
Not once but twice
Hits a tree and broken into two
The rain starts to fall
And we begin to dance
Running around the field
Singing at the top of our lungs,
"Rain! rain! Go away! Come back again another day!"
The rain pours on as we get soaked
But filled with laughter
Along with the sound of lightning
We created music.

Love: is it a lie?

My best friend said "love" is never a bad thing. It cannot hurt you. I had said that love is a lie. Is it the truth? She said love cannot hurt you. That it's the love ones who do. The truth tend to hurt. Fear, rejection and losing someone all hurts. But love is what holds you together. Love is just that, it's love. It heals all wounds and pains inflicted by others. Love makes us feel good again. But we sometimes confuse love with lust. Is love really out there? Or is it just the infatuation of having someone there to say they adore you, that they care about you. How is it truly love if someone cares about you and say they want to be with you until they find something new and better. I wish I didn't have to question love, but what is there if people always leave? Are we better off not loving certain people to avoid pain and heartbreak? Granted, there are different kinds of love. For example, the love of a child, of a parent, or the love of an animal or of a friend. But in the end, they could all leave. People change, people grow and then they walk away. So, how can "love" not hurt? Have you ever felt so much heartache just from loving someone? Hurting because they are or because they're not there at the moment? Call it need and desire if you want but I do believe that love does hurt. Love can be a lie. Though, love can be such an amazing thing at times, it can also be the worst thing for someone. It can either build you or destroy you. It just all depends on people and on yourself; on who you are and who you choose to love. So, the answer to my question "is love a lie?" is yes. Love can be a lie, but love can also be the truth; it just depends how and where you interpret it.

Tormented

She runs in circles
Tripping over broken words
Obscenities thrown at her like daggers
Each promise cut through her like glass
Bleeding out tears
Skinning knees
Tormenting words eat away her self esteem
She writes to escape any form of reality
Anything to keep her sanity
To stray from thoughts of suicide
She has scars on her body
Each has a single purpose beyond reason
Constant confusion and stabbing reminders
Wishing she could be someone else
Knowing she would be better off dead
But she continues to fight
Through all of her pain
All she has to do is pull the trigger
She just has to end the voices in her head
But instead she writes them down
And she bleeds them out
Word for word
This ends now.

Tornado

Spiraling deeper and deeper
Hearts being shaded from red to grey to black as charcoal,
True thoughts go unsaid,
Wrong things get blurted out
Misconceptions of what was or isn't said,
Confusion and instability,
Anger and tears get pent up inside
Fuming like a dark cloud in the sky
Like a tornado waiting to destroy everything in sight-
I am that tornado;
I destroyed us.
I turned us from shades of color to shades of grey
To shades of black and left for dead
Every blossomed flower lay withered
Full of destruction,
All because of me.

I'm sorry

I hate that I made you sad,
I hate that I hurt you
I wish I could take back the things I said
I wish you would understand
I don't want to make you cry
And I definitely don't want to make you mad
All I want is for everything to be alright...
I want you to be able to look at me and say you love me..
But you don't.
I miss you even though you don't want to hear it
There's nothing left for me to say,
The only thing I can do now is sit back and let you go.
I'm just sorry I ruined what we had because I'm still in love with you.

I wish I could change.

Full of pent up anger,
Crying and screaming
Violent shakes,
Fists pounding at pillows
So confused, so hurt
Not knowing what to do,
Tears streaming down my face
Wishing I could change
Who I am
I wish I trusted you
Maybe I didn't love you enough
Or maybe it was too much
Breaking down, falling apart
Wishing I was still yours
That none of this had ever happened
Silently crying,
"I miss you" whispers through the sobs
Voices break and cracks
This heartache will never end
We are unfinished.

She burned you and then you learn that love's a lie.

She burned you and then you learn that love's a lie,
You spend days and hours on end wondering where you went wrong
Loveless lies and cries brings tears to your eyes
Dreaming that someday she'll change her mind
Come back and around
Holding onto something, anything that's there
She walks on by, doesn't even notice that you're there
You used to be her everything, now she doesn't care
You're invisible.
Doesn't she make you want to scream?
Endless cries of a broken heart,
She burned you and then you learn that love's a lie.

hate this part

Its the same old routine
Don't matter cause that's what this has gotta be
You're over there minding the scene
Hot chicks all over you
You brush em off
Like you care at all
You're on the prowl
I'm just doing my thing

Moving along to the music
Its going too strong
I've gotta stop
Gotta Walk away

I hate this part right here
But I've gotta do it
I gotta do it
Walk away with all I've got
Keys in my hand
Get in the car and not look back

Its getting too strong
I've gotta be stronger
I've let this linger for too long
Gotta end it before its too heavy
Its not you, its me
You deserve better and you know it

I hate this part right here
But I've gotta do it
I've Gotta do it
Walk away with all I've got
Keys in my hand
Get in the car and not look back

You know its too much to handle
I'm just another girl off your belt
I've gotta do it
Gotta do it
Before its too late

I hate this part right here
But I've gotta do it
I've gotta do it
Walk away with all I've got
Keys in my hand
Get in the car and not look back

Gotta get my head on track
Protect my heart cause I know it has no chance against you
Don't want a broken heart

Its getting too strong
I've gotta be stornger
I've let this linger for too long
Gotta end it before its too heavy
Its not you, its me
You deserve better and you know it

I hate this part right here
But I've gotta do it
I've gotta do it
Walkaway with all I've got
Keys in my hand
Get in the car and not look back
I hate this part

Story not yet done

In mid of a deep conversation, I began to get frustrated with her. It was getting late or I suppose you could say early since the sun was beginning to break. I looked at my wrist for the time, but I had taken my watch off earlier. I was tired. Tired of sitting at the desk, night by night. Arguing over the littlest things. I knew I had to give up and change something in my life. To set a goal. I knew I wanted her, but she didn't want me. She would tell me one thing then another. How could I possibly think that this girl remotely wanted me? I'm too plain. Too overly emotional and dramatic. I was in love with someone who chucked me for the next thing. I felt used, like a toy thrown behind to be forgotten. I had to find a way to get her back. I couldn't keep on living like this; crying all the time. Something had to give. She said she wanted me too, wanted and loved me but not just me. After she had signed off and said good night, I got up from my computer and poured myself a drink. I drink to numb myself so I wouldn't have to miss her for a few hours. I was tired of drowning myself in misery. I knew I wouldn't be happy without her, but at least the pain would subside. I looked at the clutter of mess that would be my desk. How was it possible to even work in this mess? I was tired of my life. Of always being such a slob. I began to shove jotted down papers into a bag. Felt my phone vibrating under the mess. I started to throw everything off the desk, trying to find the phone to answer it. After a few minutes of searching, I find the phone and see a few unread text messages. It was a rare moment when I did not answer my messages. They were from her. Asking me if I was working today. She never says a simple "I miss you" or a "how are you?" Of course, she would know the answer to that. It never changes. Without answering, I chucked the pink blackberry aside. I knew she would wonder, but she probably didn't care. I had better things to do today. I wasn't going to school, just a waste of my time. I much rather just sit at my computer and write. That or go shopping. Blow my paychecks before I even have it. Whatever, it made me feel better. I went to find some change of clean clothes in my dresser. Tiptoeing around so I wouldn't wake my roomate up. He was an even bigger slob. Clothes everywhere on the floor, on the chair. Dirty dishes took place on his desk. He was lying stretched out in bed, snoring. God, what a disgusting pig. I grabbed my clothes and quickly got out of there. My fluffy orange cat pawed at my feet as I walked by in the hallway toward the bathroom. What I needed was a hot shower to start the morning off. I needed to shake my thoughts of her away. I undressed and turned the shower faucet on. The cat jumped and sat ontop the toilet and watched me get in. I ran my fingers through my hair, thinking about the times I had broken down in this shower. The times I had sex with her and everything. What was I thinking? I need to forget her. Well, there goes a perfectly good shower ruined. I got out and dried off. Got dressed then grabbed my keys and headed out the door. I didn't bother dry my hair. I had enough. I was sick of being cooped up in that crummy one bedroom apartment. I needed to get out, I wanted to see her. I knew she was working at ten o'clock. It was a Saturday. I didn't work for another few hours. I walked down my street. Wishing that the snow would melt and that the weather would get warmer already. It was supposed to be spring for gods sake. I wanted the sunshine to beat on my back. I wanted to wear capris and a simple tank top instead of the heavy winterwear. I got to the end of the street. I knew I shouldn't go see her. Afterall, she probably didn't want to talk. She would just brush me aside for some new girl. What's new? I decided I wasn't going to go visit her just yet. I headed for the book store. The sidewalk was wet. Signs that the snow was beginning to melt. I thought happily to myself, maybe I will get a book today. I crossed the road and headed into the book store. Indigo was huge. I couldn't remember the last time I had been here by myself. Oh, I probably haven't. I remember the last time I was here. I had come with her. I headed straight for the teen section. Looking for the next great buy. I flipped through some vampire novels. It was all the rage these days. Everyone was writing and reading those. I'm a big fan of Twilight, but it had become such a fad where they're turning the series into movies. Too many teens were attracted, it ruined the feel of a good book. I had enough. I didn't find a book, so I headed over to Starbucks. I ordered a Vanilla Chocolate Latte. I sat down for a moment. Deciding to text my friend. Seeing as she worked today too as well, I'd find out if she was on her break yet. I missed her. I'd spend hours talking to her because I loved her. Even when she frustrated me. I hated this; missing her. Everything I ever wrote was pretty much about her. I didn't have a goal set in my life. Except that I knew I wanted to write. I went to see my friend that was working. I wondered if she got her new dreads yet. I loved her pink hair. I wished I could sport my hair like that, it would attract too much attention though. I have enough as it is, I rather be invisible except to her. She would look at me like I had twelve heads anyway. She couldn't even talk to me. I hated how she would text me and bitch at me if I didn't answer but couldn't talk to me in person? How ridiculous is that? I had told her I thought about moving. She didn't care. Why do I get so upset about this girl? Whatever, I thought. I've got to move on. I walked into the doors at my low paying job. God, I hated this place. It's always such a mess and there's always some cranky old bitchy lady. I walked to my department. She looked over at me, and gave me a nod. I went straight to the fitting room to talk to my friend.